I usually put Disclaimers at the end, but because of the unusual
nature of this fanfic I feel I must stress this beforehand.
This fanfic contains fictacious portrayals of actual people,
specifically Weird Al Yankovic, Michael Jackson, Adam West, and
Jackie Chan. This story is not endorsed by any of the people I
fictionally portray here, but on the flip side it is also not in
any way, shape, or form an attempt to parody or slander those same
people. So, Sorry beforehand if anything in this story offends
Oh yea, and the Rescue Rangers are copyright Disney, used without
permission. Dumb Frog and Pennywinkel are my original characters
(and no, I didn't bother to ask myself permission, man I am so in
PAST THIS LINE, THE ADVENTURE BEGINS
I am 8-Bit Star. 8-Bit Star is a raving looney. That's how
he can write stuff like this. But enough about me... No, wait,
I'm not done talking about me yet! Oh, fine, be that way.
At the conclusion of Space Arcade (A fanfic of mine I
wrote direct-to-storyboard AND NEVER COMLETED! MWAHAHAHAH!)
the Rangers, as well as their young trainees Dumb Frog and
Pennywinkel, found out they were actually inside Professor
Norton Nimnul's mind!
"My gosh!" Exclaimed Chip. "We're trapped in Nimnul's
"Yes, my dear rodents!" Said a 3D Vector Image of Nimnul's
head, "And I have found out that while I'm unconscious, I control
the world with thought alone!"
"My gosh!" Said Chip, "He can control the world with
"Yes, and I also have learned that you are in my head,
and you are going to *stay there* until I think of a good way
to dispose of you!" Suddenly a sort of cage appeared around
"My gosh!" Said Chip, "I'm hungry."
"Oh no! We're stuck in Nimnul's head forever!" Dale
moaned. "Chip! Isn't there anything we can do?... Hey, what's
Dale found an advertisement lying on the floor of the cage,
which read thus:
"If you're stuck in the head of a demented scientist in a
fanfic written by a raving lunatic and all hope seems lost, call
The Last Hope. Just have that nice-looking inventor lady over
there build a transmitter that picks up Frequency BipBipSlashBipDot!"
"Well, what are we waiting for pallies?" Monty said, "Gadget
can build that in half a blink! Right Gadget?"
Monty blinked. When he did, Gadget had built a transmitter
(out of what? I dunno) and was already signalling Frequency
The signal exited Nimnul's mind, and hit the antenna of a
building somewhere in Illinois. Three men heard the transmitted
"But Michael!" Jackie Chan was saying, "If it does not
involve Rangers, how is it, what's the word?"
"How is it in context?" Adam West concluded.
"Well, guys," Michael Jackson answered, "First off, we're
each to wear these little RR Medallions, thus making ourselves
Rescue Rangers. Secondly, the Rangers are always watching us
through a plot contrivance in Nimnul's mind. Every once in
awhile, a short line goes across, like this: --------, and we
switch to a script-format thing where the captured heroes make
CHIP: So... Let me get this straight, we're being saved by...
PENNYWINKEL: Adam West...
FROG: Michael Jackson...
DALE: And Jackie Chan?
CHIP: And Michael?
PENNYWINKEL: And Jackie!
MONTY: Oh my.
GADGET: Adam and
CHIP: Michael and
ALL: Oh my!
NIMNUL: Ahhh, sending *them* after me, are you? Well they
won't get far! I'll put a stop to them, and their little dog,
"See what I mean?" Michael said amusedly.
"... Yea," Jackie Chan answered after a minute.
"Good, then let's be off. Now, we're in Somewhere, Illinois.
The Rangers are in Nimnul's mind which is in Someplace, Somewhere.
That's to the Northeast of here. Right, let's go!"
Suddenly, there was a beep, and Adam West said "I'm recieving
a signal from our boss! He's speaking through my invisible hearing
"Well, hello my fellow Insiptinoids!" came the crazy voice
of Wierd Al Yankovic, the boss the The Last Hope. "I have come
to inform you that your course will be long and painful, but
there *is* a way. You must first make your way to North
Carolina, where one of our agents has The Box. You will need
The Box if you plan to enter the head of Professor Norton Nimnul
and rescue the Rangers."
CHIP: Actually, I'm quite cozy in here! You, Dale?
DALE: Uh, yea!
GADGET: Yea. I mean, I can live a captive for the rest of
my life. You never know, it may be an eye-opening
experience for me! I may become a sage! The perfect
conveyor of all things natural, and throw away this
restricted, technical life of being surrounded by the
non-existence of machine, as well...
CHIPMUNKS: AHHH!!! Gadget's philosophizing! SAVE US!
"There" Wierd Al said, "Don't *ever* try to trick me
of rescueing you again! Now Adam, tell Michael and Jackie that
I want you all to board the next bus."
"He wants us to board the next bus!" Adam West sayeth.
"Ah, here's the next bus right here!" So confirmeth MJ
(Michael Jackson, not Monterey Jack).
MONTY: Yea right lad! Like they don't know I'm stuck in
CHIP: Monty!!! How on Earth did *you* get in here?
MONTY: Errr.... never mind, pallie.
The magic trio waited as the bus came to a stop and opened
it's door for them, then they climbed on, and took seat. Jackie
Chan was the first to notice they were the only ones on board.
"Boss sent me" the driver confirmed. "Where to?"
"The Train Station," Adam West answered. "And step on
we're in a hurry."
NIMNUL: Ohhh.... but *I* have *OTHER* plans! Let's see,
now... what would be the perfect way to get rid
of these do-gooders? Hmmm... nah, I always use
machines, I need to broaden my horizons...
The drive was going along peacefully, until suddenly,
the driver put on the speed for no known reason.
"What are you doing?" Adam West called out. As he did,
however, our three heroes looked into the back of the bus to
find three Creature From The Black Lagoon-type things on the
"This is bad!" Jackie exclaimed.
"Oh, who's bad?" Michael hissed out, getting out of his
seat, prepared for a challenge. And a challenge is what he got,
for he found that, due to the speed of the bus, he couldn't even
Surprisingly, Adam West managed to stand up just fine.
"How you doin' that?" Michael asked.
"It's a simple manuever of tensing the muscles on the
right leg!" He answered, at which both Michael and Jackie
shook their heads cynically and said "Riiiight..."
Adam West then walked up to a creature and whacked it
really hard, causing the word "Whack!" to appear on-screen.
DALE: I'm sorry, but this is messed up even by *my*
GADGET: Ah, the joys of a wild, unpredictable, illogical
life. I sometimes wonder how I was drawn into
science and the mundane...
CHIP: Gadget! SNAP OUT OF IT!
GADGET: I am no longer Gadget. That is the *old* me.
I am now Flower Petal!
FROG: Have Pennywinkel, have you noticed how, despite
us being 8-Bit's original characters, he's been
shafting us recently?
PENNYWINKEL: You're right, let's leave.
(Frog and Pennywinkel leave the fanfic)
The creature fell down, and the other two assumed a
fighting pose. Adam was ready to press the attack (He's
fought 1 on 2 before) and did. But he stopped tensing the
right leg, and thus fell over.
The creature who had fallen got back up, and all three
of them were about to attack Adam while he was down, but then,
Frog entered the bus with his sword and slashed them all to
squeaky clean ribbons!
"Thank you, you saved us!" Said Adam West.
"Saved you? No, we're actually rebelling against 8-Bit
Star because he shafts us and doesn't give us enough of a role
anymore! To do that, we're going to keep downplaying all the
action with Mary Sue-like quick saves until he promises to use
"That's right!" Pennywinkel confirmed. "In fact, I
haven't done anything intelligent recently! Aren't I supposed
to have some sort of higher-thinking, mutant brain or something?
Golly, what kind of author *is* 8-Bit Star anyway?"
"A kook?" Jackie suggested.
"Anyway, thanks, but now you must get off!" Adam commanded,
"You see, THERE IS A BOMB ON THIS BUS!"
"WHAT?!?!?!?" Said everyone in the bus, just before it
MONTY: Gee... I'm not sure wether that's good or bad.
GADGET: (Crying) They were so young, too! Just trying to
fulfill their dreams... what a horrible way to go!
CHIP: They're right, though, they *were* getting shafted.
DALE: Come on, guys, you don't really think they're dead,
GADGET: (Stops crying) Come to think of it, no.
DALE: Then why were you crying?
GADGET: Well, I was remembering some fanfic I was in last
week... my past was *really* tragic in that one...
CHIP: Uh-huh. Then what was that line about them being
GADGET: Oh, I meant my kittens!
ALL But GADGET: WHAT?!?!?!??!!
GADGET: Right, nevermind...
When the smoke cleared, the bus was gone, but five figures
remained. Though dirty, all could be clearly recognized.
"Just a second," Michael said, "I'll get this grime off
And he began to spin, and magic rings of color appeared around
him. Finally, he stopped spinning, striking a pose, and in the ensuing
bright flash all the grime was gone. It was as if they had all taken
three baths and thoroughly cleaned their cloths in the course of just
DALE: Gee, think he could teach me how to do that?
CHIP: Not keen on taking bath's, eh?
DALE: No, it would benefit us out in the wild when our stench starts
to build up!
CHIP: I shouldn't have asked...
So Frog then asked "How the heck did you know there was a
bomb on the bus?"
"A simple deduction, really," Adam anwered, "When fighting
creatures I noticed a peculiar indentation in the floor. So I began
visualizing in my mind all the objects that could fit the shape of
the dent, and the first thing that came to my mind was a bomb."
"Good work!" Mikey J complemented.
"Thanks. But now how are we going to get to North Carolina and,
from there, to Someplace, Somewhere?"
"Ask those kids! They must've gotten here somehow--" But when
he next looked, Dumb Frog and Pennywinkel had vanmuused. "Never
he said. "I'm sure one of us will think of something."
And they began walking in the general direction of the train
station. Suddenly Adam West had an idea, "Michael, do you remember
Michael seemed to pick up almost immediately to what he was
suggesting. Mustering all his willpower, he began a lengthy
metamorphosis, finally ending up as a sleek sportscar.
"Fantastic!" Jackie Chan explained, "Quick, let's climb
"Uhhh... Yea!" Adam West agreed, and the two quickly climbed
into the car formerly known as Michael Jackson.
MONTY: Ya know, if it weren't for the fact that we've got some
innocents here, I would comment on this.
GADGET: Yea, I hate double-entendres.
MONTY: Gadget! Where did you get your, emmm, "Education?"
GADGET: Oh, Zipper told me.
MONTY: (Looks threateningly at Zipper) Little Matey...
ZIPPER: (Feigns innocence)
As the sleek white pop star carrying two men dashed off to
the east, towards North Carolina, Adam West looked in the rear
view mirror, and became suddenly aware of one fact.
"Holy Meatpackets! Guys, we're being followed!"
And they were, by strange, black, unmarked choppers. Suddenly
the things fired fakish, 16-Bit pixelated gunshots at the trio, but
the sleek sportscar sleekly dodged the sleekly bad blasts!
"We have to get rid of them!" Jackie Chan stated. "I
idea! West, Tie rope around me, Michael, are you a convertible?"
Since cars can't talk, Mikey J instead answered by lowering
his hood, exposing them to the air, sun and sky... and Helicoptors.
The two made sure the Chan was securely tied down so he
wouldn't, you know, fly off or anything. Then he flew off, but
not far because of the rope. Now dangling in the air, he resolved
to use his martial arts prowess to bring down these helicopters...
...And I realized what a stupid story this was, and took a
break. Then I thought, and realized, hey, maybe this isn't all
that bad, so I came back to it, and found that a lot had changed
since I last checked. Chan had, somehow, trashed all six of the
helicopters, and the Last Hope was only two miles away from North
Carolina. Now tell me, how's *that* for an author using an out?
CHIP: I agree. This fanfic is pathetic.
DALE: Yea, we're not even in it!... Much.
CHIP: I say we join Frog and Pennywinkel and revolt.
GADGET: Oh, good, let me invent some "Strike" signs real quick.
And Adam West, Mikey J, and the amazing Chan rode on. But then
MJ abruptly stopped, and turned back into his normal self, dropping
Chan and West on the concrete road.
"Oww!" Jackie Chan exclaimed, "Michael, why you do that?"
"Look onwards, guys." The pop star explained. Ahead, there
was a huge canyon. "Ain't no way I'm attempting to jump that. And
I'm tired, man. I've been carrying you all since Illinois!"
"Oh, this is nothing," Adam West explained, "Doubtless
fearless fanfic writing friend will think of another sudden convenience
which will allow us an easy passage."
Then I said, in my best James Earl Jones impression, "Sorry
guys, No such luck."
"Damn," Michael said to himself.
"Then there's only one thing left to do!" Adam West explained.
"Look for a teleportation tree."
MONTY: Please tell me he's not gonna detail the search!
GADGET: Well, I'm starting to admire the beauty of the absolute
CHIP: But we don't even know where they are!
GADGET: I said "Absolute nowhere" if we knew where they were,
wouldn't that technically be somewhere?
Almost immediately they found a teleportation tree.
"There, now to get it to work." Chan stated.
"Hello?" MJ asked.
Probably not so surprisingly, the tree responded.
"Who dare waketh me upeth?"
Michael Jackson quickly explained, "Hey, we're The Last Hope,
and we're trying to rescue the Rescue Rangers. We need to get
across this canyon. Can you help us?"
"Oh, why not?"
"Because, I only help people who scare me. You three don't
seem particularly scary."
They all looked at each other, trying to find something scary
about themselves they could say or do. Finally Michael had an idea.
He knew he was propogating a media myth, but it was worth it for the
"I'm an alleged child molester!"
The Tree looked at him cynically, and said "No you're not!
You're Michael Jackson! What, you think I was born yesterday?"
Mikey sighed. "Why did the writer have to be a fan?" he asked
himself. "They mean well, but sometimes... Ah well."
GADGET: Okay, I know what a child is, but what's a "child *molester*?"
CHIP: Something Michael Jackson isn't. Gadget, do you know what
CHIP: Then do you know what "It" is?
GADGET: Yea, a clown!
CHIP: [Hits self] No no no, the *other* "It"!
DALE: Is it by Stephen King?
CHIP: *sigh* never mind...
"Darn" Adam West said thoughtfully. "So, we've got
to scare him
with something that is *true*." Suddenly West had an idea, and
"Hey, I'm the guy who played Batman in the classic sixties series!"
"Oh man!" The Tree said. "I loved that series! I would
for yer autograph but... no pen, no paper. It would just blow away
in the wind anyway."
"Sorry to hear that."
Jackie Chan then thought, and said "I do all my own stunts!"
To that, the Tree responded "Yea, I know. It's amazing! You
really are a great actor!"
Adam, defeatedly, asked "So, anyone else got any other ideas?"
CHIP: Okay Gadget, let me try one more time: "It" is something
want to have with girls...
GADGET: A happy friendship?
CHIP: You're getting close. Specifically, "It" is what some
authors, like David Gonterman, wanted to have with you.
GADGET: [With realization] Of course! Dinner!
CHIP: [Hits self] NOOOO!!! Okay, better example: It's something
that people constantly point out could not, realistically,
happen between mice and chipmunks.
GADGET: But Chip, I know we aren't brother and sister!
CHIP: No, no, NO!!! How can you be such a G-Rated child after all
the fanfics you've been in?
GADGET: What fanfics?
Then, West had *another* idea. "Hey, Tree... would you like
to see Michael Jackson dance?"
"Yea! Earth Song, Michael!"
Michael got what Adam West was getting at. "How's about I
show you the 'Controversial' part of most of my routines?"
"Sure!" The Tree was apparently unaware of what the
"Controversial" part happened to be.
CHIP: And please, don't tell us.
While Chip was saying that, Michael did it. The Tree was
"Okay!" It said, "That was the scariest thing ever! You
pass! GO!" And the tree opened itself up, and the Last Hope went
into it, arriving on the other side of the chasm.
Finally, after minutes, the Last Hope had finally made it to
their first mission objective: North Carolina.
"Quickly!" West said, "Now we have to find our contact!
My hearing aids are buzzing!"
Weird Al Yankovic came in over the Hearing Aids. "Guys, this
is serious. Professor Norton Nimnul has beat us to the punch. Some
of his Malicious ButterBeasts have beat us to the contact! It's
terrible, the poor shmuck is now getting the weekend off, and with
pay no less! And we have to get The Box!"
Jackie Chan then exclaimed "Yes! As an expert Martial Artist,
I have a built-in sixth sense for detecting Malicious ButterBeasts!"
DALE: Monty, do Martial Artists really have that ability?
MONTY: Of course, lad! Malicious ButterBeasts are a scourge and
it's a martial artists' duty to be sure they're all destroyed!
DALE: Gosh, are *you* a martial Artist, Monty?
MONTY: Yea, but I detect Malicious CheeseBeasts instead.
"I detect they are over THIS way!" Jackie Chan exclaimed,
pointing THIS way! So he walked on, and the other two followed him.
Eventually they made it to a city.
"Oh, no, wait guys!" Michael suddenly sayeth. "Let me
He backed into a dark alley. Then he began spinning and dancing.
Sparks flew, and when they were done flying, Michael Jackson had
turned into a small white cat.
"Ummm," Adam West thought (impressive thought, there!) "So,
Michael, why did you feel compelled to turn into a cat?"
He pointed his face at a gathering of people across the street.
Adam and Jackie looked, and understood: Every last one of those
people was wearing tons of Michael Jackson memorabilia.
"Yes, I see." Adam West commented. "So, now we can find
Malicious ButterBeasts without interruption.
But the minute they started walking (Well, MJ actually jumped
on Adam's shoulder--Cats are liable to get lost easily--but same
difference) the fans all came up to them.
"Hey, are you the Last Hope?" One of them asked.
"Uhhh, yea." Jackie Chan answered.
MONTY: Crikey, their one fanfic isn't anywhere near over and they've
already got more fans than us!
CHIP: Well, then again, it *is* made up of people who's careers were
already popular before they became a team.
MONTY: Sorta like your old shorts with Donald Duck, eh?
CHIP: ... Point.
"Where's Michael Jackson?" Another asked, suspiciously eyeing
"Michael is doing undercover work in Vancouver right now."
Adam quickly explained. The former Batman also happened to look
at those T-Shirts they were wearing. They had pictures of Michael
Jackson, but they also happened to say "The Last Hope." "Oh
The two looked around. The T-Shirts didn't just consist of
Michael. There were also Adam Wests and Jackie Chans, Weird Als,
Chips, Dales, Gadgets, Montys (And a Zipper), and even Professor
NIMNUL: Hey, this is cool!
CHIP: I take back what I said. We're still rockin'!
DALE: You dolt! We still have to find a way out of here!
CHIP: Oh relax, Dale! Learn to have some fun!
DALE: This is no time for fun, Chip!
GADGET: You're right, Zipper, they *do* seem to have had their
NIMNUL: First sign of a bored fanfic author.
"Drat," Adam West sayeth silently. "Michael,"
"You might as well become human again."
"Meow!" The cat pop star went. And with a magnificent jump,
he landed on a fire escape.
"I wish we could do that." Jackie said to himself. Suddenly
his sixth sense went off. "Adam!" he yelled, "There are
ButterBeasts in the area!"
Then they heard some swooshing sounds coming from behind them,
and they saw some huge butterflies with evil looks coming at them.
Quickly they jumped out of their way, and the butterflies hit some
of the fans... who broke.
Michael Jackson turned back into a human when he saw "Hey,
these fans are robots! They aren't real!"
MONTY: I knew it couldn't be for real!
GADGET: Hmmm... I think I'll get back to that spiritual kick I
was on back in part one. So yea, I'm Flower Petal, I'm
all in league with nature and stuff...
Then the Robots' eyes glew, and they all turned toward the
two grounded members. "Yesssss!" They said. "Capture-Last-Hope!"
But then, Frog and Pennywinkel appeared again and defeated
all the robots.
"There!" Frog said, "We just made this fanfic dull and
by nixing out any hope of any real action!"
"Oh yea?" Jackie asked accusingly, "Then where were you
parts two and three?"
"Ummmm..." was all they could say.
"He's right," Michael said, getting back to the ground. "You
guys missed a lot of action that you could've nixed out of this story.
Now, be dears and see if you can't find that Box."
"We can't!" Pennywinkel said. "You're not going to find
until Part Five, and it's not Part Five yet!"
And Michael Jackson magically made a devision bar---------------------
"Now, what were you saying about Part Five?"
Pennywinkel sighed. "Right. The box is in an office building
right down that street. You'll know it because it'll have an atmosphere
of darkness and evil."
"That's fantastic!" Adam West exclaimed, "With my New
Improved Tracker of Dark Evil Atmospheres, we shall find it easily,
let's get walking, men! Oh, and thanks, kids."
"You're welcome," they both said, realizing they had miserably
failed at being Mary Sues.
Our three heroes walked a little ways, but then the Detector of
Dark Evil Atmospheres went haywire, and exploded. Adam West looked
to his right. "This must be the building." He said.
The Logo on the building read "Disney: The North Carolina
So they all entered the building.
It was like walking into another dimension (or re-enacting
Silent Hill in real life). Everything in the building was dark,
dirty, and hazy. It was very, very spooky.
"Guys, I don't like this place." Michael sayeth.
"Neither do I." Said the Chan.
"Nevertheless," West concluded, "We must find the box!
if you were a box in a building like this, where would you be?"
"Probably on the top floor, knowing these fanfics." MJ
"Good thinking Michael! That's it! Everyone, up the stairs!"
And they ran right up the stairs, fast as, well, something
fast! Eventually, they ended up running into all sorts of terrors
and monstrosities (Can you believe there's a sequel to Space Arcade?)
Finally, they made it to the top floor. Up there, they saw
the most Malicious of all the Malicious ButterBeasts!
CHIP: Nah, Nimnul's not *that* clever.
"Hey kids!" The Bear in the Big Blue House said, "Wanna
"Oh my!" Jackie Chan gasped. "This is scarier than MJ's
"Hey now!" Mikey said on impulse.
"Hey!" The Bear said, "You guys smell like... HEROES!
smell like you've come for The BOX! I can't allow that! SHADOW!!!"
And the Bear from the Big Blue House began dancing around,
singing "Oh Shadow, where oh where is Shadow?"
Suddenly an evil cackle reverberated around the room, and an
evil voice began "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?--"
"No no!" The Bear complained. "Wrong Shadow!"
"Never mind, I'll handle these guys myself!" The Bear advanced
threateningly. "Allow me to SMELL you..."
They all ducked to different corners of the room, for no mere
mortal can resist THE SMELL!
"I'm getting another call!" Adam called.
"Look, guys," Weird Al said, "Don't try to beat the bear,
not be beaten! Just get the box and get out of there!"
"You heard the man!" West said, "Get the box!"
Then they glanced around the room... and noticed it was *full*
"Which Box?" Michael called out.
"Look for any that look suspicious!"
"I'll smell YOU first!" The Bear said, and he lunged his nose
at Michael Jackson, who dodged to the left--and layed his eyes on
the most suspicious looking Box he had yet seen: A Microsoft X-Box!
Quickly he picked it up.
The Bear, having missed, changed his target to Adam West.
Again he lunged that nose, and Adam dodged. When he dodged, he
saw a Chinese box. "Surely this must be it!" He thought, and
scooped it up.
Then the Bear threw himself and his sniffer towards Jackie
Chan. Jackie Chan jumped over the bear, who's nose was now stuck
in the wall. When he dodged...
CHIP: He didn't by any chance, find yet *another* box, did he?
...In fact, yes he did!
CHIP: Oh brother...
...Hey, it's good for business.
Jackie Chan landed, and saw a Jack-in-the-Box! Fortunately,
he could fit this particular restaurant in his pocket. No way he'd
ever eat their food anyway.
"Okay, have we all got a suspicious Box?" Adam West asked.
When his teammates replied in the positive, he said "Good, let's
leave!" Then he cast the "Exit" spell, and our heroes
Frog and Pennywinkel looked onward.
Holding out a little red Box, Frog asked "Think we should tell
them *this* is the Box they need?"
"Nah, save it for a Deus Ex Machina later."
Now outside the building, the Last Hope decided to begin making
their way towards Someplace, Somewhere, and to the hospital where Nimnul
was being held as a patient, and where, also, the Rangers were being
held captive in Nimnul's mind...
CHIP: WAITAMINUTE!!! Isn't this a Chip n' Dale's Rescue Rangers
DALE: Yea! Why has most of the story been following this other
group? If it's a fanfic about US, it should be about US,
CHIP: Yea! If it's gonna be a Ranger fanfic, the Rangers themselves
shouldn't get left by the wayside!
Is that anything like how Sonic the Hedgehog fanfics typically
revolve around someone other than Sonic?
CHIP: So what? Those at least involve canonical characters!
GADGET: Even if it's just barely!
CHIP: Errrr... Right. But this fanfic has us, the Rangers, mostly
as side-characters and thus far hasn't even taken place in our
DALE: Right! We should have more to do with this fanfic!
MONTY: Right behind ya, me lads! Course there isn't much we can
do when you're stuck in a cage in the mind of a demented
scientist, but that's no reason to ignore us!
The Last Hope members all thought about this. Then, Michael
said "Okay, I got it. Since the author needs a lot of outs anyway,
we ought to let the Rangers have the rest of this chapter to them-
selves. While the story is concentrating on them, we'll mosey on
up to Someplace, Somewhere and pick up at Part Seven. How's that?"
CHIP: Sounds great, Michael! No wonder 8-Bit thinks you're a nice
guy... Michael? Hmmm, I guess our part's already started.
NIMNUL: Damn. Now I can't keep track of those three! Ah well.
DALE: So now what are we gonna do?
CHIP: Hmmm... Well, perhaps we could add some action to this story
by trying to escape!
GADGET: Good idea! Just allow me time to build something that can
cut through a mentally-made cage.
MONTY: Gadget-me-love, I thought you were on a spiritual kick?
GADGET: Oh, right! Then allow me to use the mysterious forces of
the unknown... Ummmmm.... Ummmmm.... Nope, not working.
NIMNUL: Careful, 8-Bit Star might find that offensive. You know
how he is.
GADGET: Oh. Well, hopefully he didn't hear that.
CHIP: I thought he was writing this?
MONTY: Oh, don't ya remember? "The Creator is just a medium"
all that jazz...
DALE: Yea, I'm bored too, Zipper. You got anything we can do,
NIMNUL: Well, I got some erotic Gadget pictures.
MONTY: Oh no ya don't, pal! No one's gonna use my little Gadget
NIMNUL: Oh, all right.
GADGET: What does "Erotic" mean?
CHIP: Gadget... Never mind.
DALE: It means Chip wants to "be" with you.
GADGET: He is with me! We're only in the same cage, after all.
MONTY: That's not quite what he means, Gadget...
GADGET: Look, you guys have been giving me all these wierd explanations
and double-meanings all day. Can someone explain it to me
ZIPPER: BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, Bzzzzzz bzzz bzzzzzzzzzzz bzzzzzzzz!
GADGET: *That's* what they've been talking about?
GADGET: That is disgusting! I think I'm gonna throw up! How can you
boys even *think* that way?
CHIP: Zipper, you should've been a little softer...
CHIP: How dare you call her dense?!?!?!
GADGET: He didn't say that! He said that I wasn't picking up on it
when you were explaining it...
CHIP: Oh, so I'm being too vague, am I?
DALE: Monty, I don't understand these two one bit.
MONTY: Me neither, lad.
GADGET: I'm gonna go hide in a corner now.
GADGET: How do girls feel safe around guys who know what "It"
DALE: Waitaminute, what?
GADGET: You know, "It."
DALE: The clown?
GADGET: No, the other "It!" The one Chip's been trying to
me all day!
DALE: Ummm... I missed the explanation.
GADGET: No, Zipper. It's better if he *doesn't* know.
ZIPPER: Bz, Bzzzz.
GADGET: Dale, come over here.
DALE Okay. Why?
GADGET: You're the only guy I can feel safe around now. Next to Monty,
of course. Oh, and Zipper. And... well, Nimnul's a head now,
so yea, I guess he's safe too.
CHIP: What the heck? Why am *I* the bad guy?
GADGET: You know what "It" is!
CHIP: That doesn't mean I'm gonna--
GADGET: Which is fine, since Dale can defend me if you try.
DALE: So there, Chip!
MONTY: Yea. Well, ain't this excitin', sittin' around with nuthin'
to do. Nimnul, aren't ya gonna torture us or something?
NIMNUL: Well, I was, but you guys are just so interesting. I never
knew rodents could have such complex lives!
MONTY: Well, thanks.
NIMNUL: You're welcome.
DALE: Ya know, he's right, we *are* missing "Quantum Leap."
NIMNUL: Oh, I've seen it. It's a rerun.
CHIP: Damn, 8-Bit Star, why did you have to make Gadget over-the-edge
DALE: Hey Chip, you're the one who's getting frustrated about it!
MONTY: He's right. We're keeping an eye on you.
NIMNUL: Ya know, I wonder if 8-Bit knows this scene alone might
NIMNUL: Right, or make them laugh.
CHIP: Ya know, I'd rather be in a John Nowak fanfic right now. He
at least doesn't view a little knowledge as a bad thing.
MONTY: No way, Pal. You're staying with *this* author for now.
NIMNUL: It could be worse--This could be "Out of Range." You
Chip, why does the conversation keep coming back to you and
your hormone-control problems? I'm about sick of it!
CHIP: Then why don't you do something about it!
NIMNUL: I will! I will make you as naive as young Gadget here! You
won't know what "It" is!
CHIP: I'd like to--hey! Suddenly I feel youngish and playful! "It"?
What is "It"?
MONTY: Here that, Gadget? Chip is safe now!
GADGET: Yea, I hear it. Okay, Chip, you can come over here now.
CHIP: Hey Gadget, why were you avoiding me anyway?
GADGET: Oh, I dunno.
NIMNUL: Yea, watch them start fighting over the girl any minute now...
MONTY: Hey, aren't those Last Hope people here yet?
CHIP: Yea, our part has gone on long enough. Okay Last Hope, you guys
can have the fanfic back!
"Thank goodness!" Adam West exclaimed.
Ya know, Frog," Pennywinkel said. "Now I'm *glad* we left
cage when we had the chance."
Finally, after a long and perilous trek, the Last Hope had made
it to the central Hospital of Someplace, Somewhere. Quickly they ran
inside, and Adam West quickly requested of the Desk Clerk "Where
Professor Norton Nimnul being kept?"
"On the top floor."
They all looked at each other, and simultaneously said "Figures."
Almost immediately, the whole place went weird, like that building
in Part Five, and everyone in the place became a demon.
"What will we do now, Adam?" Jackie asked.
Adam intelligently suggested "Let's just get to the top floor!
Anyone wanna use the Bat-Ropes?"
"Nooo!" the other two said at once.
And they ran up the stairs, through rain and snow and dark of
night, the mighty Pony Express--Errr, Last Hope--Were not stayed from
their appointed rounds! On each floor they faced demons, all of which
they felled, wether by Jackie's martial prowess, West's techno-gizmos,
or Michael's Dance Magic.
Eventually, they were at the one and only Top Floor, which, unlike
a real Top Floor, consisted of only one room containing only one bed
containing only one Professor Norton Nimnul.
And Evil Nimnul's-Brain Nymphs.
"Oh no! Evil Seductresses!" Jackie exclaimed.
"Well, fortunately, I'm married." Michael said.
"Aren't we all?" Adam commented.
"And besides that, this is a children-oriented fanfic. 8-Bit
wouldn't allow anything to happen."
GADGET: Then explain Part Six, Michael.
CHIP: Why, what happened in Part Six?
GADGET: You're too young to know, Chipper.
CHIP: But I'm twenty!
GADGET: I'll tell you when you're older.
The Nymphs giggled like little girls, and came at the guys.
"Michael," Adam said, "I'm going to try to figure out
work the boxes, can you and Jackie hold them off?"
And like a true Adam West, Adam West lept over the Nymphs and
right next to Nimnul. He pulled out the Box he had selected, the
Chinese Box. Like a real Chinese Box, it opened only to reveal
another Box inside. West tried hitting Nimnul with it, rubbing
him with it, talking into it, everything, but nothing worked.
"Jackie, throw me your box!"
Adam then tried Jackie's Jack-in-the-Box.
MONTY: With how this story is going so far, we really did not need
MONTY: What did you call me?
So very sleek!
MONTY: Oh, okay.
Adam tried walking in it, talking in it, and eating in it,
and even tried to poison Nimnul with one of their burgers, but
it was no good. Adam decided this was the wrong box, and asked
"Michael! Throw me yours!"
"Okay!" Michael did a spinning dance move, and in the same
smooth motion blasted the nymphs with magic *and* threw West the
But again, nothing. Adam tried playing it, plugging it into
Nimnul, and even beating Nimnul with it, but it still didn't work.
"Michael, Jackie! Bad news! We don't have the right box!"
CHIP: Ha. Isn't 8-Bit going to cop out this time?
Then into the room bursted Frog and Pennywinkel. They beat,
bashed, squished and mashed the nymphs (Man they are *such* Mary
Sues) but stopped there. Then Pennywinkel handed West a little
"This is the correct Box." she explained. "You put it
Nimnul's head, open it, and look in. You will then be pulled."
CHIP: Least I wasn't disappointed.
"Everyone gather!" Adam commanded. Everyone gathered except
Frog and Pennywinkel. "That includes you two," he added. "We
need you, believe it or not."
So they gathered. West opened the box, and everyone looked in...
The inside of a demented scientist's mind is not a pretty thing,
as you can imagine by that I'm not going to describe it (in fact, I've
noticed I've been quite lax with descriptions throughout this whole
fanfic. But heck, maybe it's just the campy nature--or just me). But
it was in this awful place that the Hope and the kids now were.
They could see Nimnul's floating 3D Vector Imaged face.
"So, you've gotten this far! But in the mind of a demented
scientist, I rule supreme! You can not win now! I will wreak my
ultimate evil this very moment!"
And he did, for out of a flash came three completely black
shadow figues, who all happened to bear striking resemblances to
everyone in The Last Hope.
"Oh no!" Chip said from the visible cage (I no longer need
line devision). "It's..."
"An Evil Adam West..." Dale added.
"An Evil Michael Jackson..." Gadget stuttered out.
"And an Evil Jackie Chan!" Monty cried. "We're doomed!"
"Not that joke again!" Nimnul cried, but Atlas just shrugged.
"Don't worry, Rangers!" Michael called out, "We can beat
"That's right! We're the good guys, and crime doesn't pay!"
Adam West called.
"This is the East, not the West! I can do what I want here!"
"They can't break us, 'cuz we're unbreakable!" Michael Jackson
concluded this little inspiration piece.
Adam went first, then Jackie. Michael didn't have to have a
go at it, since his clone, like him, didn't engage in hand to hand
Adam punched his clone, twice, resulted in a "Pound" word
balloon and a "Bam!" balloon. His clone retaliated with kicks
more punches, and, well basically:
And the real Adam West please stood up.
Jackie's fight went a bit more realistically, since the guy
participates in more realistic fights.
"A dignified Martial Artist never calls for help!" He said
in defiance as he was dignantly pinned under his clone's foot
Finally, he found the strength to stand up, causing his clone to
fall. He waited for the guy to stand up (Martial Arts rule, you
have to) and then proceeded to attempt a series of kicks. The
kicks ended after five seasons and his clone was down for the
ratings and was eventually cancelled.
Michael, as I said, had a magic fight. He was particularly
offended, because he had been black once, and this *could* be seen
as a racial slander. So far, this clone had been able to top all
his Magic Dances.
"Okay, try a little moonwalkin'!" and MJ did the Moonwalk,
causing all his HP to refill. But unfortunately, his clone could
do it, too.
So he concentrated his power into sheer force, and, doing that
spin and jump move of his, managed to send a huge blast at his clone,
who blocked it with a spin-field. But the real MJ started dancing
really fast (While the real Slim Shady just shutted up) causing a
large amount of sparks to fly at his opponent. The guy counted with
a wind caused by a girlish jumping move. The wind was cold and thus
caused all the sparks to go out.
"Well," MJ sayeth, "I've got one thing you *haven't!*
And the one, true Michael Jackson put on the symbol of his power:
The Glove! His dancing went into overdrive, and with the sheer power
of the Glove and his magic combined, his clone was soon nothing but
oblivion, disappearing in a bright flash.
And the members of the Hope stood triumphant.
"Now to the Rangers," Michael said with relief.
Suddenly, Frog and Pennyinkel clapped.
"Good show!" Pennywinkel said, "But this is *our* spotlight.
You've been helpful, but we, being actual creations of the author,
should be the ones to complete the mission."
"What?" Jackie Chan exclaimed. "But we did all the work!"
"Listen, you little--!" Michael almost bursted out, but then
Adam West put his hands on both their shoulders, and whispered something
in their ears. Both calmed down, and Michael said suavely "Oh,
then. Have your glory. We'll be around."
And they left the visible sections of the fanfic.
"Well, Frog, it's all downhill from here."
"So I noticed."
And the two kids walked up to the head of Professor Norton Nimnul,
and Frog continued "Now it's time to hurt you!"
"To defeat you, even!" Pennywinkel added.
"Oh no, don't hurt me!" The Vectorized head said sarcastically.
"I'm too old to be killed by Mary Sues!"
"Dang right you better be sorry!"
"No, kids, don't hurt me! Oh no, I might like it!"
Then, suddenly, all three started cracking up.
"Mary Sues indeed!" the Vector Head scoffed. "They fell
they really fell for it!"
"Will you hurry up and kill him already?" Chip called from
Frog and Pennywinkel got up, an evil glint in their eyes. "Now
why would we do that?" Threateningly they advanced and entered
"What's going on here?" Dale asked.
"Oh Dale, it's simple. We fooled you. This whole time, we fooled
you. I didn't think we'd hold out."
"What are you saying?"
Frog exclaimed "We're not really Frog and Pennywinkel, you dolt!
We're evil clones. This whole thing was just an overbelabored way of
torturing you before we finally got around to doing you in! We're
not the real thing! MWAHAHAHAHAH!"
Suddenly, there was silence. Then Dale, in a voice that sounded
suspiciously like a famous Pop Star's, said "Well, that's great,
you see, we're not for real either."
Then Dale unzipped himself. The Dale suit fell to the ground,
revealing Michael Jackson!
The fake Frog and Pennywinkel looked around in surprise. Out of
a Chip suit came Adam West, and out of Monterey Jack, Jackie Chan.
Gadget and Zipper were nowhere to be seen.
"What?" the Fake Pennywinkel asked, "How can this be?"
"While you were over there talking smack--" Michael Jackson
...For Adam West to pick up "--We were rescueing the Rangers
behind your back!"
And Jackie Chan concluded "So this'll teach you, Don't Talk
"Yakkity Yak!" Fake Frog exclaimed.
"Don't talk back," Fake Pennywinkel reprimanded. "So
you guys know we were fakes?"
"Elementary, my dear," Adam West began, "Remember part
when you guys were not paying attention to us? Well, we decided to
stop by the Ranger headquarters beforehand, and we found that the
*Real* Frog and Pennywinkel had left the Fanfic and were passing the
time playing Clue with Mademanna."
"Drat!" Nimnul said, "I knew I was missing someone from
The Fake Pennywinkel said "You can't do a convincing imitation
of Mademanna. If she tried to fight, it woulda been a dead giveaway.
And speaking of dead..."
They drew their weapons, and the final showdown began.
Not much of a showdown, actually. Michael Jackson teleported
all the Last Hope members out of the cage, and Adam West quickly
closed it, rigging it up with a bomb. After ten seconds in which
the three got to safety, it exploded, killing the fakes based off
Then they turned towards Nimnul's vector head, and began
assaulting it with all the weapons, magic, and power-ups they had
ever accumulated in the fanfic (And whatever I slipped to them behind
the scenes). Sparks were flying, Nimnul was crying, this fanfic is
slowly dying, and there's no earthly way of knowing which direction
I'll be going! As the quake began, and the adventure came to an
end, Nimnul cried out in pain and agony at the mental assault he
was having to bear. But when his imagination began to cave in on
him, the Last Hope members decided it was time to leave, and teleported
out, leaving the mighty Professor Norton Nimnul to fall from grace and
glory in a rain of ice and fire.
And then Nimnul woke up. Right next to him were the cops Kirby
"Feelin' better, professor?"
"Yea. I'm ready to go to jail now! I can't win! I JUST CAN'T
WIN! I had those blasted rodents! In fact I had the world! But no,
that mean Fanfic Writer can't just let me win! Oh no, he has to assault
me with POP STARS and FAMOUS ACTORS!" The Doc began to cry. "It's
"Uh-huh." Muldoon said, slipping the cuffs on Nimnul.
PART TEN: EPILOGUE
The Last Hope reappeared next to the tree that is the Rescue
"Oh, you guys!" Gadget called. "We all wanted to say,
for rescueing us."
"No problem, little lady." MJ responded.
"Just doin' our job," was Adam West's reply.
"Maybe we'll meet again sometime?" Dale asked hopefully.
"We'll see. No tellin' what the future holds." MJ said as
three began to walk away. The two groups exchanged rounds of goodbyes
as the people in the park wondered "Who the hell are those people
Then the Rangers were all on the Sofa.
"Okay," Chip said, "Maybe it did suck that we weren't
of the fanfic, and that we were stuck in Nimnul's mind, but I will say
"What's that?" Gadget asked.
"Dale, you say it."
"Sure! Anything is worth it to meet that many celebrities at
"Golly, I guess you're right. And they were handsome..."
Chip, forgetting that they're all married (Well, MJ is anyway,
I dunno about the other two) stood and said "But what about me?"
"Or me?" Dale stood as well.
"You're not handsome!" Chip said. "I'm handsome! You're
"Says anybody with taste!"
Gadget sighed. "Ah well. At least I'll never have to hear about
So, how was *that* for a fanfic? Admittedly the concept of this
fanfic is both provacative and deterring. It's provacative in that,
well, I'm a writer who lusts to try new concepts, and this was certainly
new. It's deterring, however, in that, well the concept of the Rangers
having to be rescued by some other group of heroes may not appeal to
everyone, and may in fact be seen as offensive. Anyway, I hope you all
enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing Part Six.
If anyone has anything to say, my E-Mail address is