The Failed Tale of Robin Dale
Part One - the introduction
By Chip Chap
INT: Ranger HQ - Front Door - Night
Monterey Jack is standing at the open door of HQ with Bink in his arms. Chip, Tammy, Foxglove and Zipper are standing outside. The rest of the Rangers and Tammy’s mother are in the ranger plane, which is parked outside.
Tammy:
Are you sure you don’t want to come with us Monty? I’m sure my uncle
Reeces would love to listen to your adventures.
Monty:
Oh, don’t worry about me. Besides, somebody has to watch over the little
princess.
(Pats Bink on the head)
Chip (with concern):
Are you sure you can handle babysitting Bink all by yourself while we’re
gone?
Tammy (grabbing Chip’s arm and dragging him toward the plane)
Of course he can, Chip. Besides, I’m sure Uncle Reeces would love to meet
you Chipper.
Tammy and Chip get into the plane, which takes off.
Foxglove (taking to the air):
Well, see you in a couple of days Monty.
Monty (waving goodbye):
Bye.
INT: Ranger HQ - Chip and Dale’s Bedroom - Night
Monty enters the room with Zipper on his shoulder, lays Bink down on the bottom bunk, and tucks her in.
Monty:
Well princess, I think you should get some sleep and then tomorrow Uncle Monterey
will show ya how to arm wrestle a king cobra.
Monty starts heading for the door.
Bink:
Uncle Monterey
Monty (stopping):
Yes Princess.
Bink:
Could you tell me a bedtime story?
Monty:
All right
(Pulls up a chair)
What kind of story do you want to hear?
Bink:
How about a scary story, like Dale told me.
Monty (annoyed):
What? A scary bedtime story? That kind of stuff gives you nightmares. How about
the story of Princess Rumplestiltskin and the three beanstalks...
Zipper shakes his head sadly and flies out the door.
Bink:
Oh, I don’t like those boring fairy tale stories. I usually fall asleep
before Mommy gets to any good parts.
Monty:
Well in that case Princess, I’ll tell you a story that’s got action
and drama in it. I think I’ll tell you the story of Robin Dale and his
Merry Men.
Scene fades out:
INT: Sureluck Forrest - Roadside - Morning
Monty (vo):
Many years ago in England, there lived a young chipmunk named Robin Dale who
was widely known as the greatest archer and sword fighter in the land.
Dale steps out from behind some bushes wearing a Robin Hood costume, on his back he has a bow and a quiver of arrows, at his side he has a sword.
Robin Dale:
Yippee! I get to be the hero of the story!
Monty (vo):
Robin Dale lived in Sureluck Forrest with his gang of Merry Men, who helped
out the poor needy people of the nearby town of Nottingspam by robbing from
the rich and giving it to the poor.
Rat Capone, Bubbles, Sugar Ray Lizard, Arnold Mousenegger, Arvey, and Jolly Roger step out from behind the bushes wearing really expensive clothes and jewelry.
Bubbles (looking at the camera):
Yeah, I gave that money to the poor... poor ol’ me! Mwahahahaha!
Bink (vo):
They sound really happy.
Monty (vo):
That’s right, the Merry Men spent their time eating, playing games, and
having a good time.
Dale:
When we aren’t robbing from the greedy, money grubbing, shameless, and
ridiculously wealthy few and giving to the poor and needy populace, right guys!
The Merry Men all look at each other and turn smiling to Dale.
Bubbles:
Of course, buddy old pal!
Sugar Ray:
You better believe it!
Arvey:
Arrrrrgh!
Monty (vo):
And so the group of fun-loving pals would often sit by the roadside and wait
for a wealthy merchant to pass by so that they could deliver his ill-gotten
gain to the poor people of Nottingspam.
The group sits down at the side of the road waiting for someone to come by.
They wait some more.
Bink (vo):
Where are all the wealthy merchants?
Monty (vo):
They should be coming along any time now.
The sound of a horse-drawn carriage is heard off in the distance.
Jolly Roger:
Arrggh. There be a wealthy merchant coming this way.
Dale:
All right then guys, you know the drill.
The Merry Men all pull out daggers, swords, clubs, and other dangerous-looking instruments.
Bubbles:
Yeah, we know what to do. Heh heh heh...
Dale (blinking in surprise):
Actually I was thinking about doing that toll thing like they did on the Wishbone
show.
Bubbles (disappointed):
Oh.
The Merry Men all put away their weapons and hide in the bushes. Dale dresses up like a farmer and stands in the middle of the road. The carriage speeds down the road toward him.
Dale (holding up his hand):
Halt.
The carriage keeps running.
Dale (holds up his hand a little higher):
Halt, um...stop!
The carriage keeps running.
Dale (waving his arms frantically):
Stop, whoa, slow down!
The carriage keeps running.
Dale (waving his arms and jumping up and down):
Hey! Stop! Halt! Woa...whaa!
The carriage runs over Dale and continues on its way.
The Merry Men come out of hiding.
Arnold Mousenegger (Shaking his head sadly):
What a waste.
Jolly Roger (wiping a tear from his eye):
Arggh. And so young too.
Bink (vo):
Is he all right?
Monty (vo):
Of course he is, Princess. This is just a minor set back.
Dale (pulls himself off the ground):
Ouch. Well, we’ll show him, come on guys.
Dale and the others zip ahead of the carriage and set up a tollbooth and a gate.
Dale (wiping the sweat off his forehead):
Well, that should do it.
The Merry Men hide in the bushes again, and the carriage runs up to the gate and stops. The driver looks down at Dale.
Driver:
What, I say, what in carnation is this here tollbooth doin’ here?
Dale (dressed as a farmer):
I am a poor farmer and this is my land, I demand that you pay me for use of
this road.
The Driver looks at Dale, he looks at all the trees, and looks back at Dale.
Driver:
Well, no wonder you’re poor, boy, how ya expect ta‘ grow anything
with all these here TREES in the way?! What are you raising, son, PINE CONES!.
Dale:
Well, um...
Driver:
I tell you, you really got your work cut out for if you’re plannin’
ta make any money in the agra-cultural game, boy. These days, ya need ta get
licenses, and permits, and all sorts a stuff before ya can even so much as plant
a carrot patch...
Dale:
Yeah, I know that’s...
Driver:
And don’t, I say, don’t event get me STARTED on what ya’ gotta
do ta’ sell your crops once ya‘ grow the darned things. Why, you need
all sorts of health inspectors, and environmentalists and... I say, are listening
to me, boy, feel free ta’ give a shout if any o’ this stuff ain’t
sinking in...
Dale:
Well, that’s nice but...
Driver:
I’m tellin’ you, it’s gettin’ darned near impossible for
a guy to make decent buck anymore. The Kings got every darn one of these here
trees protected under penalty of death. Here what I’m saying, boy?
You’ve been hornswoggled (cheated that is), whoever sold this place to
you took you for a sap, there’s no WAY you can grow anything more than
a sore back outta this place without cutting down these trees and if you do
THAT then you’ll find yourself walking on air with killer necktie! If I
were you I’d forget this whole business about toll roads and concentrate
on getting a refund on this here agricultural estate o’ yours.
Dale:
You know, that does sound like a good thing to do.
Driver:
Well, I say, of COURSE it’s a good idea, I didn’t grow up to be the
best carriage deliveryman this side of London by ignoring financial matters!
If you want ta’ get ahead in life you gotta get an education... listen
to me when I’m talking to you, boy, I’m giving out some priceless
words of wisdom here...
Dale walks away from the carriage with a dazed look on his face.
Driver:
...Nice kid, just got the attention span of a twitterpated mongoose...
Suddenly, the Merry Men leap out from behind the bushes and surround the carriage.
Bubbles:
All right, no more games. This is a hold up!
Dale:
But this guy is a carriage deliveryman.
Bubbles:
That doesn’t mean the carriage doesn’t contain the ill-gotten gain
of some greedy merchant.
Driver:
What?! You’re no farmer! You’re just a common highwayman! Oh, woe
is me!
Dale:
Well, if you would just...
Driver:
What have I done to deserve such a fate?! What, I say, what is this country
coming to when a guy can’t deliver a carriage in peace?!
Dale:
Just let us check for that carriage and...
Driver:
Oh, what happened to the happy and carefree days of the past?! Where is the
person who will help out the powerless in their time of need.
Dale:
That would be me... now if you would just...
Driver:
Where is the all seeing power that brings calamity to the guilty and devious
and bestows power and hope upon the weak and guiltless?!
Unknown voice from above:
Right here, cute stuff!
Everybody looks up with a start and sees Foxglove descending from above wearing a vest and a sheriff’s badge. She lands on top of the gate and starts fluttering her eyes at Dale.
Driver:
I’m saved! It’s the sheriff of Notingspam!
Foxglove (to the driver):
When I heard you talking up a storm, I figured that a certain chipmunk was doing
his poor farmer routine. So I got go here as quick as I could to nab myself
a sugary-sweet basking Robin Dale.
Bubbles:
Well isn’t that great. Hey guys, lets get rid of this batty sheriff once
and for all.
The Merry Men start advancing on Foxglove but Lou and a posse of soda-pop ninjas (dressed in English garb) run down the road towards them.
Foxglove (winking at Dale):
Well, I couldn’t hog all the fun now could I, cute stuff?
Realizing that they are outnumbered and possibly out muscled, the Merry Men make a hasty retreat with Dale following after. Foxglove and the posse chase after them.
Lou (to the Driver):
Okay that’ll be ten fifty for being rescued by the sheriff, two fifty for
my services, fifteen for all ten posse members, I’ll clear this junk out
of your way for two farthings...
Driver:
What?! I gotta pay to get rescued by the local law enforcement? That’s
highway robbery!
Fade out
INT: Ranger HQ - Chip and Dale’s Bedroom - Night
Monty looks down at Bink, who is fast asleep. He smiles softly and quietly gets up out his chair and turns the lights out.
Monty:
Sweet dreams, Princess.
Bink smiled in her sleep as Monterey turned out the lights.
Disclaimer:
Trite Fright Night is Copyright Matt Plotecher
The Rescue Rangers are Copyright Disney
Robin Hood (the animated film) is Copyright Disney