Rescue Rangers Celebrity Jeopardy
By Cyber Daimyo
Part Eleven
Gadget Hackwrench: Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. You may notice I'm wearing a different suit. [ upset ] Apparently Mepps felt my leg was closer to my tail. [ Mepps laughs ] It's time for Double Jeopardy, let's take a look at the scores. Snout is in the lead with -$5,000. Snout has answered every question with the same response...
Snout: Do YOU understand the words comin' out of my mouth?!?
Gadget Hackwrench: That's the one. You do understand that you're playing for charity?
Snout: Yes I do. Why? Why? Do you not understand the words that are comin' outta my mouth?!?
Gadget Hackwrench: Just making sure. Next with -$43,000, is Canina La Fur.
Canina la Fur: [ in an unusual language ] "Hakunis a attruna donna." That means "I'm not crazy anymore." In my made-up space language.
Gadget Hackwrench: Terrific. And finally, with -$130,000, Mepps is here... yet again.
Mepps: I wouldn't miss it for the world, Gadget. I turned down Harry Potter for this. [ laughing ]
Gadget: Please help me God that I won't have another bad day. Let's take a look at the board. And the categories are.. Potent Potables, Batman or Robin. That's where we show you a picture, and you say whether it's Batman or Robin. Famous Horsemen. That's about jockeys.
Mepps: I bet you've seen your fair share of other men's hockey gear crumpled up on your bedroom floor, haven't you Tinkerbell? [ laughs ]
Gadget Hackwrench: Next we have Point to your Nose, Things Mom Gave You, Celebrity Photos. Keep in mind that everyone of these photos will be one of you. And finally, Connect the Dot. Canina La Fur, it's your board.
[ Canina does nothing. Gadget sighs ]
Gadget Hackwrench: Fine, it's your board, Canina.
Canina La Fur: "Neega Bah"... 'Batman or Robin' for 400, Gadget.
Gadget Hackwrench: [ shakes head ] And the answer is... [ board shows picture of Batman, clearly ] Is this Batman, or Robin? [ Snout rings in ] Snout.
Snout: Yo I know this, girl. That's Robin! [ buzzer ]
Gadget Hackwrench: No. So since it's not Robin, that leaves only one correct answer. [ Canina rings in ] Canina La Fur.
Canina La Fur: Who is Robin? [ buzzer ]
Gadget Hackwrench: Amazing. [ Mepps rings in ] Mepps.
Mepps: What is Robin? Now then, I'll take "Batman or Robin" for 800.
Gadget Hackwrench: No, that's wrong. Let's just go to "Celebrity Photos" for 200. And remember, this is a photograph of one of you. [ screen shows Jackie Chan and Snout from "The Snout Show" with the words CHAN and SNOUT in red ]
Gadget Hackwrench: Who is this celebrity with Jackie Chan? Snout, you might want to ring in here. [ Canina rings in ] Canina La Fur.
Canina La Fur: Who is "Duke Achillus," the duke of the Atreides?
Gadget Hackwrench: [ very frustrated ] For the love of God, no. [ Snout rings in ] Snout.
Snout: Yo man, that's Jackie Chan, I talked with that dude.
Gadget Hackwrench: No. Mepps, just pick a category.
Mepps: I'll take "dork simian" for 800. [ leaves his podium and heads for the board ]
Gadget Hackwrench: [ confused ] Wait, What? Wait...Where are you going? What are you...
Mepps: See? [ Points to the two parts of HORSEMEN on the board ] "Dork" like your mother. "Simian!" [ laughs like crazy ] It's right there!
Gadget Hackwrench: Yes, I see it. I see it, now please... [ Mepps keeps on laughing ] You're very proud of yourself, aren't you?
Mepps: Yes, I am! [ keeps laughing ]
Gadget Hackwrench: Let's just go to Final Jeopardy. And the category is.. Would you like a cookie? [ 1980s Final Jeopardy theme starts ] Yes or No? If you want a cookie, say yes. If you don't, say no. Even if you want a cookie and you say no, you'll still be right. [ music ends ] Let's see what our contestants wrote. Snout, let's see what you wrote down. [ screen shows Snout's answer ] Do you understand the words that are coming out of... let me guess, you wagered, "my mouth." [ screen shows "my mouth" ] And I'm right.
Snout: Man, I don't need this! I don't need nothin'. I don't need nothin'!! I make 20 million dollars a show. I'll buy my own charity, man!
Gadget Hackwrench: Once again, I'll remind you that you are playing for charity. Apparently that isn't getting through. Canina La Fur, let's see what you wrote. [ screen shows Canina's resume taped over the screen, with actors and actresses she's slept with) Somehow you've managed to post your resume. Mind-bending.
Canina La Fur: Gadget, you'll notice that I've slept with a lot of famous people.
Gadget Hackwrench: I'll take your word for it. Now onto Mepps.
Mepps: Oh no, Gadget, she's a nut-job.
Gadget Hackwrench: Tell me about it.
Mepps: She's nuttier than a pecan log. [ both start laughing and smiling together, Mepps pats Gadget on the back ]
Gadget Hackwrench: Well, Mepps, let's see what you wrote. [ screen shows Mepps' answer ] I'm sorry Gadget.
Mepps: [ somber ] That I am.
Gadget Hackwrench: [ surprised ] Wow.
Mepps: I know I give you a hard time, but it's all in good fun. I mean, you know that, don't you?
Gadget Hackwrench: [ pretending to know] Uhh...of course..I do..Mepps. Let's see what you wagered, friend. [ screen shows Mepps' wager, which reveals the rest of the phrase ] But you're such a cheese. [ Mepps laughs hysterically and Gadget gets disappointed ]
Mepps: Put the cheese in your mouth and ..
Gadget Hackwrench: Eat it, I know, eat it.
Mepps: Eat it! Eat it!
Gadget Hackwrench: Eat it, yes. I hear you. Well that's it, goodbye.