Rescue Rangers Celebrity Jeopardy Special

By Cyber Daimyo

Part Two

Gadget Hackwrench: Welcome back to Rescue Rangers Celebrity Jeopardy. The scores are absolutely heating up over there...despite all being sub-zero. Let's check them out anyway. In third place, with a whopping negative $48,000 is Mepps.

Mepps: That dad-gum Daily Double clue you gave me bites beans just like your mother.

Gadget Hackwrench: All right, Mepps, that's enough. In second place is the Acorn Cafe member, Timothy "SomeGhol" Walthers, with negative $5,000, after he got half of all of the clues on the board incorrect.

SomeGhol: That's really awesome, Gadget. I'm just trigger happy like that Time Squad guy, Tudd Russell.

Gadget Hackwrench: I know, SomeGhol. And finally, our second Acorn Cafe Member and the author of the Rescue Rangers Celebrity Jeopardy series, Alan James "Cyber Daimyo" Hostetter, in first place, with a commanding lead of $15.

Cyber Daimyo: My lord, with your fair share of your morale, I have been bringing honor to all of my other taishos of the Acorn Cafe, haven't I?

Gadget Hackwrench: Sure you are, you cyborg samurai warrior. [ bows down to Cyber Daimyo ]

Mepps: Gadget is suck a dork, Cyber! Don't you know that? [ laughs wildly ]

Gadget Hackwrench: Let's take a look at the board. And the categories are:

Mepps: I've been trying to figure that out for years! [ laughing while pounding on his podium while SomeGhol just stands there with a dopey-menacing look on his face ]

Cyber Daimyo: [ buzzes in ] What are the categories? [ buzzes in twice ]

Gadget Hackwrench: Please stop, Cyber Daimyo, or I won't read them.

Cyber Daimyo: Oh, I am sorry, Gadget-san. [ bows down ]

Gadget Hackwrench: It's all right.

SomeGhol: You're just trying to keep your jets cooled down, are you, babe?

Cyber Daimyo: Yeah!

Gadget Hackwrench: Ahem! The categories are: Potent Potables, Cities in Greece that end in "-thens," Famous Rollercoasters, Dog treats, Paint It Black, and finally, Thanksgiving platters that rhyme with "roughing." Mepps, you are in last place, so please choose one.

Mepps: I'll go with Dog Beats for $800.

Cyber Daimyo: [ buzzes in ] What is Dog City?

Gadget Hackwrench: I haven't given the clue yet, Cyber.

Cyber Daimyo: Sorry.

Gadget Hackwrench: [ raising her voice ] And it's TREATS, Mepps, you imbecile, TREATS!

Mepps: Is that what you call it, you geisha dork?! [ laughing like a wild hyena ]

Gadget Hackwrench: Okay. Dog Treats for $600. The answer is: This dog treat is made from the flavoring of a tuna fish. [ Cyber Daimyo buzzes in ] Cyber Daimyo?

Cyber Daimyo: What is chocolate chip? [ buzzer ]

Gadget Hackwrench: No. Anyone else? [ SomeGhol buzzes in ] SomeGhol?

SomeGhol: What is your tail? [ buzzer ]

Gadget Hackwrench: No. [ Mepps rings in ] Mepps, the treat that's made from the flavoring of a tuna fish.

Mepps: What is Gadget's feet? [ laughing ]

Gadget Hackwrench: [ ticked off ] No, Mepps, you crazy idiot! The answer was TUNA! TUNA! TUNA is made from the flavoring of a TUNA FISH! [ calms down as she sighs ] SomeGhol, why don't you pick a category?

Cyber Daimyo: I think Mepps' answer is close enough.

Gadget Hackwrench: No, Cyber Daimyo. Mepps' answer is NOT close enough. SomeGhol, please pick.

SomeGhol: What's up with this Paint it Black category, girl? Are you trying to go uneasy on us, Gadget? Because if you are, I WILL bonk y'all over with my Playstation 2. I'll do it, so you guys better watch out.

Gadget Hackwrench: Let's just go with Famous rollercoasters for $200. This rollercoaster in Las Vegas, Nevada runs around the New York hotel. [ Cyber Daimyo buzzes in ] Cyber Daimyo?

Cyber Daimyo: What is the IdiotBot? [ buzzer ]

Gadget Hackwrench: No. [ Mepps rings in ] Mepps?

Mepps: What is Lord of the Rings? [ buzzer ]

Gadget Hackwrench: No! You're wrong. [ SomeGhol buzzes in ] SomeGhol?

SomeGhol: What is Lord of the Rings? [ buzzer ]

Gadget Hackwrench: Wrong! And that's already guessed as well. The rollercoaster that runs outside the New York hotel is called the New York, New York rollercoaster!! [ Cyber Daimyo rings in ] Cyber Daimyo?

Cyber Daimyo: What is Lord of the Rings?

Gadget Hackwrench: No, Cyber. That was already guessed twice.

SomeGhol: What was your job prior to hosting Jeopardy?

Gadget Hackwrench: Better than yours, surely. We have time for one more category. Cyber Daimyo, select a category.

Mepps: I didn't know Gadget was into that! [ SomeGhol and Mepps laugh together ]

Cyber Daimyo: I'll take Cities in Greece that Rhyme with "roughing" for $1,000.

Gadget Hackwrench: That's combining two of them, Cyber Daimyo.

Cyber Daimyo: Okay, I'll take the female ninja in the third row for $50.

Mepps: [ To Cyber Daimyo ] You are a dork! [ laughs wildly ]

Cyber Daimyo: [ laughs ] You are a dork too, Mepps! [ continues laughing along with Mepps ]

Gadget Hackwrench: All right, boys, enough! It's time now for Final Jeopardy. The category is Animals. Write down any type of animal and you win. That's right. Any animal you want to write down and you win. You could either all win or lose. I know which one it will be. I'm giving you 30 seconds. Good luck. [ Present day Final Jeopardy theme plays as the contestants write down their answers ] [ music stops ] Alright, let's see what everyone wrote. Cyber Daimyo, what did you write? [ shows answer ] The girl in the third row. "Imbecile" is understating your case. And your wager: Eleventy quadrillion yen. That's not even a real number.

Cyber Daimyo: Yet.

Gadget Hackwrench: That's really cute. Moving on to SomeGhol. Let's see what you wrote down: [ shows answer ] You wrote The Metrodome. That is a building, not an animal. Now I know why you are nothing but a dork as well as Mepps. Let's see what you wagered: My criminal record. This is Rescue Rangers Celebrity Jeopardy, not Debt you fibber.

SomeGhol: Ha! You now own my criminal record! You're going to be facing all those charges now! Thanks, Gadget! [ Laughs as he leaves his podium ]

Gadget Hackwrench: When will he ever learn the true meaning of Jeopardy? And finally, Mepps wrote down: [ shows answer ] A chipmunk. A chipmunk is, in fact, an ANIMAL! You have won again, Mepps! Congratulations. And let's check out what you have wagered: Named Chip Maplewood has just broke up with Gadget. [ Mepps laughs wildly ] [ Gadget makes an angry face with her eyes closed as she turns to the camera ] Well, it seems like we have ran out of time, so join us next time for Rescue Rangers Celebrity Jeopardy. I'm Gadget Hackwrench, and I'm now going home to watch Battlebots. Good night. [ walks offstage ]

SomeGhol: [ from offstage while firing off his Super Soaker Monster XL ] Oh, yeah, give it to me good, Miss Hackwrench! Yeah!

Cyber Daimyo: [ from offstage with his pair of Super Soaker Monster XLs ] Come on, boys, let's spend some time with our Super Soakers!

[ Cyber Daimyo and SomeGhol squirt each other with their Super Soakers as Mepps does the IR Baboon victory dance onstage ]

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