By Cyber Daimyo
Part Six
Gadget Hackwrench: Welcome back to Rescue Rangers Celebrity Jeopardy. It is a good thing that that crazy insulting maniac, Mepps, is gone for a while, but the nightmare continues. For those of you who were tuned in before the commercials, rest assured that these three guys are trying to do the same thing that Mepps had once done to me months ago. Let's take a look at the scores our celebrities have racked up so far. In the lead with negative $2,400, is Muscles.
Muscles: I pity the fool who thinks she can beat me tonight! [ shows his muscles in front of everybody ] I hope that you chicks who are watching this are going to get a load of me by the time I do the job for Mepps.
Gadget Hackwrench: Big deal. I pity all of you. In second place, with negative $3,200, we have Frenchy.
Frenchy: [ wearing a microphone on his chest and a Pizza Hut uniform ] You got a delivery, Gadget! Hand it over, I'll take it from here! Hut! Hut! Hut!
Gadget Hackwrench: Apparently, your crazy non-French Pizza Hut impression is squeezing the life out of your brain cells, but I will be glad to have some pizza with you later, but right now, we have a game to play. Finally tonight, with an unimpressive third place lag of negative $12,000, we have Buzz.
Buzz: Uh-uh-uh-uh.. I was in Dirty Dancing, right?
Gadget Hackwrench: No, but you were an 80s fan, just before Rescue Rangers started airing on TV. Let's move on to Double Jeopardy. Our categories are: Potent Potables, Round Things, State Capitals, The Number 2, Pizza, Name These Men, in which all you have to do is identify the gentleman whose picture appears on the screen, and finally, Palindromes, which are all words which read the same forwards and backwards. An example I hate to use is the word "pit." Muscles, since you're in the lead, you get to choose our first category.
Muscles: Give me Desiree Delure for $400, fool!
Gadget Hackwrench: We already covered this in our first round, so it is not one of our categories.
Muscles: Oh yeah, Gadget?! I'll show you why I have defeated Monterey Jack in the sumo wrestling match!
Gadget Hackwrench: Enough! Since you're being uncooperative, I'll pick for you. Pizza for $200: This pizza company was founded by Papa John in 1985. [ no one buzzes in ] Anyone? Frenchy, since that you have once worked at that pizza place before Pizza Hut, you might want to take a stab at it. [ Frenchy buzzes in ] Frenchy?
Frenchy: What is, um, Tombstone? [ buzzer ]
Gadget Hackwrench: [ extremely agitated ] No! I'm not putting myself through this. The answer is Papa John's Pizza! Get it ?! [ normal voice ] Please pick another category.
Frenchy: Um.. I'd like that category about the pits you mentioned earlier.
Gadget Hackwrench: [ sighs ] It is not about pits, Frenchy. The category to which you refer is Palindromes for $200. LEVEL. [ Buzz buzzes in ] Buzz.
Buzz: Yeah, uh.. Veal. [ buzzer ]
Gadget Hackwrench: I'm sorry?
Buzz: Veal. V-E-E-L-L. Veal.
Gadget Hackwrench: I-I-I'm sorry, Buzz, but there appears to be some confusion regarding the category. The idea is not to scramble the letters to form a new word, but, rather, to read the word backwards as the same word. The answer is already in front of you.
Buzz: I see Veal. V-E-L? [ buzzer ]
Gadget Hackwrench: [ raising her voice ] No! You're leaving out the L and the first E.
Buzz: Ohh.. Oh, I see, it's French. Le Veal.
Frenchy: Well done, Buzz.
Gadget Hackwrench: Just.. just forget it.. Why don't you pick another category instead?
Buzz: Alright.. [ stares at the board ] I'll take Name The Simian for $800.
Gadget Hackwrench: The category, Buzz, is Name These Men, not Name The Simian. For $800, here's your visual clue: [ monitor shows a still photo of Buzz, Frenchy, and Muscles behind their podiums ] Gentlemen? Please? [ no one buzzes in as the buzzer sounds ] And the show has reached another low. Muscles, control of the board returns to you.
Muscles: If you don't eat right and exercise daily, I'm gonna control your brain and mind, sucker!
Gadget Hackwrench: [ sighs ] Frenchy, why don't you pick instead?
Frenchy: Alright! I'll take The Number 2 - can I take it over here! [ bends over and stretches ]
Gadget Hackwrench: [ ticked off ] No! No! NO!! Forget this, it's time for Final Jeopardy! The category is Describe Yourself! [ Present day Final Jeopardy music starts to play ] Please.. just anything to describe yourself - appearance, hobbies, talent preferences, just please get the answer right! [ music stops playing ] Alright.. the Final Jeopardy question is Describe Yourself". [ approaches the celebrities ] Buzz, let's see what you wrote.. Veal.
Buzz: I like veal.
Gadget Hackwrench: I'm sure you do, but this is not an adequate description of yourself. If you had written carnivore or Steak-Eater, I could give you the benefit of the doubt, but Veal does not answer the question posed to you. You wagered.. Nostalgia. Brilliant. Carrot Top appears to be silently snickering. Perhaps we can find out what sort of silliness he's stirring up for us: Desiree Delure.
Frenchy: [ snickering ] This is gonna be good!
Gadget Hackwrench: Why am I even walking into this trap. You wagered: Just Wanna Have Fun With-, okay, that's enough.
Frenchy: [ laughing and pointing at Gadget ] You should see your face, dude!
Gadget Hackwrench: Looking at yours has been bothersome enough. I know I'm kidding myself, but let's find out if Muscles fared any better in this round. I asked you to Describe Yourself, and you gave as an answer: A drawing of a fist holding a pick axe. I assume that's a Red Faction symbol describing how tough you feel you are, so let's find out what you wagered.. down with Ultor. That's just terrific..
Muscles: I'm gonna take over the show, Gadget!
Gadget Hackwrench: Please, you've done enough damage already. That's
all the time we have for Rescue Rangers Celebrity Jeopardy. If anyone needs
me, I'll be at my Rescue Rangers dojo, training Tammy to become a samurai warrior
like me. Good night. [ Muscles shows off his muscles to Frenchy and Buzz as
Gadget leaves the stage ]