ON THE FOXGLOVE FEATURE SATURDAY NIGHT MOVIE:
"Changing your lifestyle can be hazardous to your health." - The J.A.M.
"Good-bye, my wife."
"Good-bye, my beloved husband."
WALT DISNEY PICTURES PRESENTS / PRESENTA / APRESENTA
AN EXCLUSIVE FOXGLOVE FEATURE RELEASE
AN ORIGINAL (more or less) THE J.A.M. CHIP AND DALE'S RESCUE RANGERS
FAN FICTION
TWO YEARS IN THE MAKING…
586,388 LETTERS…
126,150 WORDS… [the third longest CDRR fanfic, until Mr. Nowak releases
Sovereign IV.]
4,135 PARAGRAPHS…
85 PAGES… [well, in the MS Word format I used]
32 CHAPTERS…
15 SONGS…
6 RANGERS…
1 COUPLE…
1 BATMAID…
1 CHIPMUNK…
1 GOOF-UP…
1 KLUTZ…
1 CLOWN…
1 COMEDIAN………………
"He shouldn't laugh at his own joke…"
THE DAY LAUGHTER DIED
*But no more. No more Klutz, no more Clown, no more goofin' off, no more
foolin' around, no more-gettin' girlfriends-in danger-no more gettin' your hormones
and emotions in the way of duty! I'm a _Crime-fighter_ for cryin' out loud!
Crime-fighters and Comedians don't mix!! No more-no more---no---more---*
Exhausted from his emotional disturbance and lack of nourishment, he cried himself
to sleep again, with those words echoing all over his spirit, mind, and body,
announcing the decision he had made:
No more, no more, no more…
IT'S AN OAKMONT THING
She lowered her ears and began to cry at this point, "I think Dale
is going to lose Foxy!!" She wept on her husband's shoulder but was suddenly
frightened, as well as everyone else, when Chip stood and banged his fists on
the table, ears back and tail stiff.
"NO!!" he chattered. "This is INSANITY!! It's all a COINCIDENCE!!
Foxglove was NOT killed!! She would NEVER leave Dale!! And he would NEVER let
her go!!!" Dale's father stood and glared at him, also with stiff ears
and tail.
"All right, Mister 'Detective', then YOU explain why our family has gone
through this-this-this H###…!!"
A SEARCH BEGINS
"Um………actually, the real reason-I'm here is because-because I need to find my family. Any family. I *really* need someone of my family present at the wedding, even if it is a distant cousin. The ceremony-can't be totally legal without witnesses from *both* families. And-and-I need your help." Both of them banked and hovered suddenly, echosounding at each other for a moment. This was the first time Foxglove had asked for help from someone other than the Rescue Rangers…
I AWOKE AND LAUGHED NO MORE
Chip simply could not believe that this was the same happy-go-lucky chipmunk
who was ready to get married two days ago-
Suddenly, he ran up to him, grabbed his shirt again, and growled,
"ALLRIGHTDITZWHATHAVEYOUDONEWITHDALE??????!!!!!!" Dale looked at his
best friend with low ears and tremendous sadness.
"You don't know how much I wish I *was* Ditz, Chip. If I was, then the
real me would have already escaped from his spaceship and Foxy and I would be
havin' our honeymoon on the actual moon-"
"DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A FUNERAL PYRE
"I'm goin' to a funeral, and I need to go by myself. Don't wait up for me. This will be the last time I deliberately stay up late. Good night…"
…This was more difficult than it seemed.
It is never easy to say good-bye, especially to a close friend. But this had
to be done.
He closed his eyes and tossed the match…
A SEARCH CONTINUES
"*Are* you all right? You seem rather sad, and you haven't gone back to the park since yesterday. Is-is something wrong?" Foxglove had to think fast. Her excuses were rapidly running out of convincing power…
STICKINDEMUD
But still, he had already read half of his Sureluck Jones novels, and when he wasn't doing that or solving cases, he was at the gym, either pumping iron or practising his fencing……Furthermore, he had not said one single stupid comment since that night, and it appeared that Chip was actually waiting for him to do so in order to bonk him. But no, Dale kept his comments short and serious. And only serious. In fact, that was all he said now: serious things. He didn't tell jokes anymore, not even when they were resting from cases or even on their way to or back from them. Dale did not even *laugh* anymore…
ALONE (UGH) AGAIN
That was a long trip from New York, but this was her quest now……
And now, she would have to carry it out-
Alone…
OLD FLAME, NEW FUEL
Dale padded up and opened the do-
"DALE, DARLING!!!!"
NEW FLAME, OLD FUEL
Foxglove echosounded at her for a moment, and replied,
"I guess I'll live like any other bat, I suppose. Sleep during the day,
eat during the night, have a few friends, avoid owls and other predators, just
be an average batmaid."
"But whayat 'bout YORE fammeleh? Ah mean, well yew eyver fannd a mayte
aggin'?" The ex-girlfriend echosounded ahead and thought, *No way*, while
replying,
"I don't know, Feyyanna. Right now, I simply don't know."
Feyyanna knew, however.
For she, too, had noticed the way Foxglove echosounded at ***** whenever he
flew directly in front of her…
A NEW HOPE AND OLD FRIENDS
"E-eighteen years ago-I-was flying in a park-near the coast-in Staten
Island--it was evening-I was carrying my daughter-my husband was next to me--an
owl lady attacked-I dodged as best as I could-my husband tried to defend me-the
owl lady hit me in my wing---I dropped my daughter--my husband was killed--I
fell--blacked out--I echosounded for my daughter---and never found her--I always
thought the owl lady killed her-unless--unless--is your name Leticia?"
Leticia.
Could that be her *real* name…?
DEATH OF A DREAM (dedicated to Ms. Bihn, but I'm not saying why, mwha
ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!)
The tamias turned away again in unexplainable pain, as his ears drooped
again…
He felt cold, *very* cold…
"…but I've been thinking *everything* over as best as I could, and-and
I *can't* come up with anything other than the fact that we just can't raise
a family here! There's no way it can be done while keeping them safe from our
enemies…!*"
DESESPERADA
I walk under the sun
But it's winter in my heart
That's how I am…
Because our love
Is an emerald that a thief stole
Because I don't know
Where my dreams are nor why he left
I have nowhere to go
Without you
I can only repeat…
THE NUTSHELL
"Welcome, males and females, mammals, birds, reptiles, and amphibians, once again……!! Tonight, as you know, is Comedy Night, and we've decided to make it an Open Mike night, though this mike looks somewhat closed here, ahem-" A rim shot declared that last phrase to be a joke, though some animals in the audience moaned at it. "But really, folks, we have a great evening planned out for everyone-I just hope our plans don't backfire-[rim shot, moaning] and we have lined up a great cast of the best amateur comedians in town-if there is such a thing-[rim shot, more moaning]. Ha, geez, it sounds like someone here needs some antacid or something-[rim shot with same results]. Oh well, I'd better get off this stage before I throw our plans out the door. Okay, now, here's our first victim-I mean 'comedian'…"
DEAD INSTINCTS
…Sometime during their first winter together that impulse disappeared
altogether, "freeing" her from the last link she thought she had with
the witch and her criminal past, enabling her to further concentrate on Dale.
But now…
I'LL BE WATCHING YOU
Chip did not like the tone of the word "kill", as his ears and
tail showed.
With a shrug, Dale turned around and went to talk to the band again. One minute
later, he padded up to the microphone, and began…
A SECOND CHANCE
She then looked deeply into his pained eyes, gently held his head in her paws, drew him closer, and kissed him…
ANOTHER SECOND CHANCE
"B-brother…?"
She then rushed up to him and hugged him tightly, pleading,
"…H-help me-b--*brother*--please--I need--*help*--"
A BROKEN SPIRIT DRIETH THE BONES
Finally, they were hit fully with understanding. Some ears and tails sagged,
and some others stiffened,
"NO!!!" chattered Chip.
"Not me pally!!"
"Dale!!"
"This is illogical!!"
MORE DRYING AS WELL
"What is your concept of death? Not suicide, but death." The
batmaid winced slightly at this.
"Death? Well, I know it's something that will happen to all of us, but
I guess that we're supposed to live this life as best we can before we go, maybe…and
death-is the final resting place, where you're free from pain, free from evil…
free from sin…free from………from……yaaaawwwwwwn……from……"
MOST DEFINITELY DEAD
"Don't you get it, guys? *All* our major foul-ups ended when I killed the Comedian! The Clown was harmin' the team, he was placin' us, placin' *Foxy* in more danger than was called for; he was *killin'* us!! Now he's gone, and as much as *I* miss him, he *can't* and he *won't* be back--EVER!!!"
THE LAST MATCHMAKERS
They sat quietly again, and a few moments later, the batmaid pondered,
"They would have made a lovely couple, don't you think?"
"Chip and Gadget?"
"Dale and Foxglove." The sciurid sighed…
ANOTHER FUNERAL
"A funeral?" asked Richard. "Are you sure you want to do
this?"
"…Please? Let me just say good-bye to them. I never did, and--that
may just be what has been eating at me all this time…"
USE THE FORCE, LUKE
Dale had his ears up, his tail was stiff, and he was unusually silent……Then,
his breathing became more laboured. Something began pressing in his chest again,
but he couldn't tell what it was. He slowly began to turn back to Zipper, and
as he did, his fur began ruffling. Zipper became quite scared at this, because
he knew it wasn't the wind that was causing Dale's fur to stand on end.
"Dale? Is something wrong?" Dale brought up his right paw to his chest.
Something was causing him unbelievable pain, something within him was sensing-
DANGER…
NIGHT OF THE ******** (wait 'till U read the story)
Wings flapped…
"Code 936!! Code 936!! Any units respond to ultrasound alarm 936!! Track ultrasonic SOS signals to a park in East Staten Island!! Code 936!!! Code 936!!!!"
*Is this what a moth feels like?* he thought…
Foxglove took a direct hit on her right shoulder.
***** took a direct hit on his head.
Rosie took a direct hit on her left side.
Feyyanna was able to dodge the stones, but not without slamming into Richard,
who was on her right…
"AH!! MORE RODENTS!!!!"
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Monty, run!!!!" chattered Dale…
"Hey! Yew doen' hayave tew YEYELL!!"
"Yo Mick-she broke my nose-how's it look…?"
"Ahh, it's an improvement…"
PREPARE FOR ABANDONMENT
The oak remained still, and its occupants made no sign they were there.
But he knew they were there, as they should also be waking up by now. The sky
was a swath of blue and red, and a hint of dark blue off in the eastern horizon.
A crescent moon hung just above the southwestern horizon, and an occasional
bird fluttered through the sky. There was an airplane now and then, but no bats.
She would not be coming back.
…a tear quenched that smouldering wick…
He tossed the contract in…
PREPARE FOR FORSAKING
The batmaid then turned and left her previous life forever…
The rings then sank to the bottom of his heart…
PREPARE FOR FEAR
Panic and unbelievable fear enveloped him once more-
Panic and fear that had gripped the heart of the Comedian countless times before…
…He could not escape them.
Unbelievable panic and unbelievable fear…
He tossed the card in…
PREPARE FOR ANGST
"But do you know what was the *truly* worst part? Chip, I was *cryin'*.
And how many of you came after me?"
Silence.
Chip could not say a single word.
"Yeah, you're just barely noticin' that, aren't you? Chip, I was *one second*
away from leavin' Paris and the Rescue Rangers forever, if that was the thing
that would have made you happy. Fortunately for you, I got hit on the head right
before I went to the train station. And sure, later on you apologised, sayin'
that the Rescue Rangers wouldn't be the same without me. And you said that you'd
never doubt my abilities again. But tell me, Chip, *have* you doubted my abilities
after Paris?" Chip froze again. "Come on, Chip, I *dare* you to say
NO…"
PREPARE FOR SADNESS
Pierre and Dalee stopped mixing ingredients and just looked sadly at each other, laying their ears against their heads…
Her tears were mixed with Dale's; they were on the floor too, as well as on her face…That final good-bye hurt, and it hurt so much, she actually reconsidered her threat of finding Fat Cat and feeding herself to him-
It made him cry because in a flash, memories of the past year and the previous
night landed on him like an anvil. Memories of him and Foxglove so much enjoying
sunrises and sunsets, memories of them about to get married yesterday, memories
of the tragic events of last night, memories of the sudden realisation of who
he was and what he was getting Foxglove into, memories of the talk they had---oh
no---no-----
…He was so devastated and exhausted that he didn't bother going home……The
pain in his chest then reappeared with full force, making him think he had a
black hole where his heart used to be…
…His sorrow was then mixed with anger…
PREPARE FOR ANGER
Gadget had to use every bit of self-control to avoid strangling this media representative. Her tail stiffened, as she tried not to growl…
"Mister Maplewood, Miss Hackwrench, Mister Colby, Mister Lightringer, this conversation is **OVER** and I will **NOT** speak of it……*EVER* *AGAIN*!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND??!! ***EVER***!!!!!!"
PREPARE FOR WRATH
Dale calmly padded up to him, laid his ears back, grabbed him by his shirt,
and began giving him a series of right hooks……
Dale had his ears down and his tail was as stiff as a board, and his countenance
was one of total rage, matched only by the expression he had in Fat Cat's lair
that other night…
PREPARE FOR HATRED
Suddenly, a monster stiffened her ears and tail and growled,
"I'LL KILL DALE FOR THIS!!!!!!"
PREPARE FOR PAIN
"Never better!" she replied, as she tried to stand from the pilot's seat while reaching for her trusty plunger harpoon. As she did, a horrible squeak shot out of her throat. "MY ARM!!!!!!" she finally vocalised moments later, with low ears and tail. All three rodents looked at her arm. The right coverall sleeve was torn, and her arm had a deep gash in it. Her left hip was also in pain, but not as much as her arm was……No time to lick wounds just yet…
PREPARE FOR FRUSTRATION
No, no more. The chipmunk did not turn around, not even to look at her. Dale had flatly refused…
PREPARE FOR DESPERATION
Foxglove drooped her ears and tail, read the printouts for the NTH time, and then crumpled them up before throwing them aside…
PREPARE FOR DEPRESSION
True, he was most definitely depressed, but now, it seemed that he would
eventually get used to this depression, and it appeared that Foxglove would
get used to it as well………But still, this was the life he had
chosen, and all Foxglove had to do was find someone else who could keep her
out of danger in order to get out of *her* depression; to finally get her out
of this life of danger in which he nearly buried her in.
The lights dimmed.
The spotlight then shone on Chip, who was at the piano again, with his ears
down. He began playing a slow and very depressing sequence.
*Oh, great,* thought Dale. *That's _all_ I need now! More depressing music!*
Chip continued with that sequence, playing it over and over and over, letting
it sink in. At the fourth repetition, he looked up to stage left, and nodded
as if giving a cue. Another spotlight then shone on *****, also with drooped
ears, who began,
"*Turn around-*"
PREPARE FOR DESTRUCTION
The wall fell.
Dale rolled over, shielding the cub with his body, hoping it would survive…
"Good-bye, my cubs…"
PREPARE FOR A FUNERAL
He then turned to the pyre again, and contemplated it for a while. His gaze then drifted from the flames up to the sky, where the parts of his life were being dispersed…
"Good-bye, Foxglove…"
PREPARE TO WEEP
They cried, cried, and *cried*, crying like they had never cried before…
Crying because of the pain of their broken hearts…
Crying because of all the physical pain…
Crying because of all the rejection they had received…
Crying for what seemed like an eternity…
PREPARE TO KILL INSTINCTS
She never understood why she did that……perhaps a salute that was custom made for their particular organisation. Since she associated that particular gesture with her evil days, Foxglove decided to ignore that impulse…
PREPARE TO KILL DREAMS
The sciurid sighed and turned away. Pain was now developing in *his* chest now…
…When he turned to reply, the mus could not understand *why* the same
pain she saw in Dale's eyes were now in *Chip's*.
"Yes," he replied, with a very pained voice…
"…I love you with all my heart, but our love can never become what
we want it to be. It's better if we leave things as they are-as-as they were
before. It was wrong for us-for me-to try to change them…"
He tossed the veil in…
PREPARE TO KILL JOKES
"Hey, *that* was funny." The others looked at him with slight
surprise.
"It was?" asked Zipper.
"Sure it was." Chip then asked,
"Then why aren't you *laughing*…?"
He tossed the book in…
PREPARE TO KILL WISECRACKS
Chip was about to bonk him for that stupid remark, but then he suddenly realised that the remark was not stupid, and it was not even a remark, but a very well established and serious suggestion that would be for the benefit of the team…
PREPARE TO KILL LAUGHTER
"You're right, Gadget, but the thing that's eating me most right now is the fact that he doesn't laugh anymore. Comedians aren't the only ones who laugh. Everyone, not just comedians, laughs at one point or another, everyone except-"
"Good-bye, [surprise middle name deleted, mwha ha ha!!]…"
PREPARE TO KILL THE GOOF UP
But he had to admit, there were no foul-ups whatsoever. The case had been
solved smoothly through perfect teamwork.
*Then why do I feel like I'm working with a stranger?*
PREPARE TO KILL THE KLUTZ
"Hey, see, where'dya learn to punch like that??" Another crack
rang out, and the gangster was the last to fall.
"I read it somewhere," replied Dale, coldly…
PREPARE TO KILL THE CLOWN
"I don't. I-just had to kill the Clown that was hurtin' us all. It wasn't easy, but-the team is better off without him. And-I know you are too."
He tossed his shirt in…
PREPARE TO KILL THE COMEDIAN
No more jokes, no more wisecracks, no more stupid comments, nothing.
Dale simply couldn't look at this sight in particular, so he hung his head…
"Good-bye, Dale…"
PREPARE TO MOURN
Gadget looked at her father's best friend with shock, pain, and confusion,
and with low ears and tail, threw herself at him and cried.
And the only time that she had cried so hard was on the day her father died…
PREPARE FOR DEATH
"Your friend is dying…"
"I'm sorry to say that your friend *is* dying…"
Darkness enveloped them…
An *empty* darkness…
A *rushing* darkness…
And finally…
……*oblivion*……
TRESS MACNEILLE
"………*Gadget*………"
COREY BURTON
"…………*Foxglove*…………"
TRESS MACNEILLE
"………*Chip*………"
JIM CUMMINGS
"Go a'ead and try it!!……I once wress'led with an African vulture back in Zimbabwe, and I left that bloke featherless!!"
COREY BURTON
"…Perhaps we can help you find a balance in-Dale? Dale?"
SUSAN BLU
"It's your choice, then!! But-but in the meantime, here's something that *could* be yours, *if* you would only *try*."
PETER CULLEN
"You-you don't *have* to."
SUSAN BLU
"Nowe, yew AIN'T!!………Yew're dayen'!!
JACKIE BURROUGHS
"You really think I'm stupid, don't you……? You think I'm UNREASONING?? UNINTELLIGENT……??!! I am a GUARDIAN……!!!"
DEBORAH WALLEY
"………………*Dale*………………"
WITNESS THE
"Good-bye, Comedian."
DEATH OF A COMEDIAN
"Why------did-----the chicken----cross----the road-????!!!!"
BRING YOUR MOURNING ATTIRE…
And darkness fell on all of them…