The Donutters
Part 1
By: Stainless Steel Rat
It was morning in the city, and in the main office of the 16th police precinct. The late autumn sunshine shone down on the human guardians of law and order, as they were going about another day of making the world, or at least their little part of it, a safer place. As above, so below… or rather even further above. For a certain rodent fellowship was observing the office from a static ceiling fan, and looking for ways to assist. At least some members were.
Chip swung Gadget’s newly crafted telescope back and forth, surveying the office as a captain surveys the ocean. Dale padded up, and with his usual delicacy and tact inquired, “Hey Chip! When am I gonna to get a go?”
“Be careful with that guys, it took me ages to grind the lenses properly.” A certain murine inventor interjected from where she was sitting by the hub motor. She then returned to her inspection of the open access panel, and sketching blueprints. This would probably have worried the chipmunks if they hadn’t been involved in other things.
Dale made a grab for the scope and Chip side-stepped, letting him pratfall. “Dale! Let me finish my turn.” He put it back to his eye and focused on Sargent Spinelli’s desk.. “Hmm… I know there’s going to be something today, I can smell it.”
Monterey Jack was on the far side of the fan, readying a hook and line, with Zipper in attendance. He sniffed deeply.
“The only thing I smell is breakfast, right pally?” “Zyou zed id!”
The apparent objective of their fishing expedition was the open bag of hot donuts in the pod below, which acted as a communal coffee area. Zipper grabbed the end of the line and dropped down, flying into the bag to hook a donut. Suddenly Chip called out.
“Look out Monty, the Sargent’s coming, and he’s got a coffee cup!”
“Roight lad!” Monty gave a huge heave on the line, flirting the donut in question, and Zipper, up out of the bag.
“Zyipes!” that most worthy insect yiped, as the donut passed him at just short of Mach 1 and accelerating. It bounced off the ceiling and then rebounded off the stem of the fan, slamming into the back of Monterey. “Crickey!” Monty teetered forward on the edge of the fan boss, arms wind-milling.
Zipper barrelled into his front, while the other three Rangers ran up behind. Chip picked up a coil of the discarded rope and flipped it over the adiposially advantaged antipodean, “C’mon everyone!” He hauled on it and the other two joined in. In a moment Monty fell back onto the fan boss and into the hole in the donut.
“Thanks mates! I guess the doc was right, donuts will be the death of me!” He pulled himself up, helped by Gadget.
“If ya don’t want any, I could sure use one of Ma’s police specials.” Dale said as he plunged a forepaw into an un-squashed section and pulled out a handful. He sniffed blissfully at the doughy lump in his hand, and swallowed it in one gulp. Then he got an odd look on his face.
“Hey… what’s goin’ on here? This isn’t one of Ma’s donuts.” He pulled out a second handful with some crust clearly visible and inspected it. “Glaze is patchy, colour is off…” he nibbled a bit more judiciously. “Frozen dough, reheated and fried in lower grade rendered oil…” He smacked his lips. “Hasn’t been changed often enough, there’s a very slight rancid aftertaste. Has to be from Donut Hole.”
“You can tell all that?” a slightly awe-struck Gadget said, on behalf of the entire group.
Dale looked slightly miffed. “Of course! Ya trust Monty when it comes to knowing his cheese n’ q’s. Well, when it comes to junk food, I am the master.” He deliberately deepened his voice for the last few words and posed in a proud stance. Zipper caught on and buzzed the last few bars of the Imperial march from one of Dale’s favourite sci-fi movies. Unfortunately Gadget and Monty took it at face value.
“Good point Dale.” “Too right mate.” “Only a master of the deep fried side of the food source.”
Dale snickered at Chip’s mangling the correct response, and went on in the same tone. “Never underestimate the power of the Deep fried.” He took the handful of donut and ate it, to the others surprised looks. “It’s edible, though I find the lack of glaze… disturbing.”
Chip was snickering too and winced at the last line, but got a hold of himself. “Ow… Dale, enough with the fandom menace act. This is kinda odd.”
Gadget shook her head. “But it doesn’t make sense! The nearest Donut Hole franchise is over 5 blocks away, near the industrial park. Why would they go there when they have Ma’s next door? Maybe it’s just an isolated incident.”
Chip started looking around with the telescope, this time focussing on the waste paper baskets. His own fan-boy moment was over and he was back in detective mode. “Or maybe not… Donut Hole, Pizza Shack, Unhealthy Fried Chicken, McGoofies, Burger Duke… all the major junk food groups are filling up their garbage. What does that tell you?”
Dale looked confused, “Their cleaner should come around more than twice a week?”
“No, you dummy! Well yeah, I guess so, but that wasn’t what I meant. They’re no longer going to Ma’s Diner.” Chip looked around at the other Rangers.
“Well Chipper, I guess it’s the only mystery we’ve got.” Monterey said.
“Just as well solving mysteries are what the Rescue Rangers are all about! So let’s go! Rescue Rangers away!” The group ran or flew, depending on species, out along a fan blade and sprung into the half open ventilator grille that lead to the roof, and the Ranger Plane.
&&&
The Ranger plane flapped it’s way out over the street and spiralled down to land on the flat roof of the single story Ma’s Diner. They could see Ma herself standing at the front entrance, talking to Kirby. The big lighted arrow was off and the door sign was turned to ‘Closed’.
“Ah don’t know how it’s happening. Goodness, it seems like ah can’t make a dozen donuts, or a bowl of that Cheese chowder you boys like so much, without running out of something.”
Kirby shrugged. “Well, Ma, you know I’d come here, and so would most everyone else. At least you know no-ones stealing it, this place is practically under 24 hour surveillance now’days with the new cameras’.”
“Ah’m getting in another lot of supplies this afternoon so Ah’ll be open for the second shift. Checking it all personally.“ Ma looked seriously unhappy. “Land sakes, if this goes on, I’ll have to close the diner.”
“Don’t you fret none Ma, I’ll let everyone know.” The big guy turned and headed off towards the precinct house. Ma sighed and locked up.
The Rangers were watching the whole exchange from atop the parapet.
“Golly, did you here that? We have to help.”
“Too right. We can’t let the poor old gal down.”
Chip nodded and went into business mode. “Well first, we need to figure out what could be happening to the supplies. As soon as that new load get here, this place is under 24 hour Ranger surveillance. We’ll look for clues and get set up while she’s away.”
&&&
The window latch fell before Gadget’s magno-ray backpack, and the Rangers easily gained entry to the kitchen area. They systematically went over the place with a casual efficiency born of experience. But it was Zipper, flying the high watch, who found the first clue. He hovered over the knob of storeroom door, squeaking excitedly.
“Looks like me little pally’s seen something up there.”
“Okay, Monty. Gadget, can you get us up there?” Chip pointed at the doorknob.
“In a jiff, Chip.” Gadget set to work for a couple of moments and quickly converted an egg whisk, a wooden spoon and a couple of lines fired from her plunger gun into a makeshift elevator. The spoon was tied across the handle to form seating.
Monty, who had been elected to turn the crank, cast a doubtful eye over the contraption. “Not to be casting nasturtiums luv, but how secure is it?”
“Golly Monterey, you worry too much. Each plunger has supported a test load of twice the combined weight of the device and all of us. So this should work with no problems.”
Monty started sweating at the Words of Doom, and thanked his foresight in following Gadget’s lead and packing a parachute. However it seemed that this time fate was on a coffee break. With Monty standing on the bowl of the spoon, and the other three spaced out as a counterweight, the device quickly raised them level with the knob.
Chip had his magnifying glass out and was already examining the brass knob and lock.
“So this is what Zipper spotted. Good work.”
Zipper buzzed proudly, but Dale was right next to Chip, and leaned over his shoulder. “I Don’t see what’s so special. The knob’s all scratched on top. Looks like when you use your grappling line to open a door…”
“I never opened this door, but it looks like some other small animals did. Repeatedly, just look at the number of scratches. Okay Monty, lower us to the lock.”
Once again, the magnifying glass did it’s work. “Aha! Zipper, there’s something trapped in the lock there. Can you get it? Let’s get down.”
As they reached the ground, there was a double pop and the two sucker tipped lines dropped back onto the floor. Gadget sighed. “Darn! I thought I had that long term adhesion problem licked. Oh well.” She started dismantling the contraption, unaware of the incredulous looks she was getting from Dale and Monty.
Chip was concentrating on the item Zipper had brought him. “As I suspected… Guys, what do you make of this.” He handed it around.
Dale got it first. He sniffed, “Say… it’s fur, smells of lock grease, and something else… something kinda bad… the sewers maybe.”
Gadget went next. “I don’t need to analyse this fur. It’s from a mouse, but there’s at least two different colours there.”
Monty and Zipper had joint last go. Zipper buzzed first. “Zipper here, reckons there’s bits of dirt in it, kind of like dried mud.”
Chip sumarised. “So it looks like that line also supported a mouse who came up from the sewers and did Gadget’s unlocking trick with their tail. More than one, considering the different coloured fur. Could you do it, Gadget?”
“It’s a big lock… but I guess I could, no I’m sure I could. My tail would be pretty sore afterwards.”
Chip bit back a remark about her tail always being pretty and nodded. “I thought so. I’ve also got an idea about how they got in. Remember the tunnel those two crooks made in the broom closet?”
Dale piped up. “But didn’t the bank guys fill it in? There was a feature on the news.”
“From their end. Maybe they didn’t do it as thoroughly here, especially if part of it had subsided into the sewers. That’s where the dirt came from, and the smell. Well, there’s an easy way to find out.”
The hypothesis was quickly confirmed. Zipper found more marks on the inside of the broom closet knob and a careful inspection eventually found a couple of loose tiles that lead down into stygian darkness. The sewer smell was now noticeable to everyone, not just Dales super sensitive nose.
“Roight lads!” Monty immediately started rolling up his sleeves. “Let’s charge down there and find the goons who did this!” Zipper mimicked him.
Chip held him back. “No Monty, it could be booby trapped or guarded. If we set up surveillance and some traps here, we can catch them in the act.”
Surprisingly Dale backed him up. “Like Jackie Lee says in Drunken Kung Fu Dragon Master II, ‘Only a fool fights on his enemies’ home ground’.” He was also thinking of the last sewer expedition and how near they’d come to being Rat Capone’s construction slaves.
“I agree with Chip and Dale. I can set up a lot of stuff here, much faster than I could build a subterranean tank to travel down there. Of course I could be working on designs while we wait.”
Chip looked around the group. “We can worry about going down there when we know more about these mice. In the meantime… Gadget, please rig up some sort of command post for six on top of the top cupboard above the sink. Monty, you’re going to bring back a supply of cheese for yourself so you don’t get distracted, after all Ma will be making cheese chowder…”
Dale interrupted as Chip turned to him. “Sounds like a plan Chip, ‘cept there’s only five of us?”
Chip grinned. “I was thinking of getting someone else to help. She’d be ideally suited for the night watch, and I’m sure she’d help if the right person asked. That’s why you’re going to pull your hang glider parts out of the Ranger plane trunk and go fetch her.”
“Oh, you want Foxy!”, Dale said enthusiastically. “Sure, why not!” Over the months since Winifred’s arrest, the bat-maid had become a regular part of his life, though she tended to avoid the other Rangers and the Treehouse. Her friendship with Dale had also indirectly reduced the in-fighting over Gadget’s attentions, bringing the two chipmunks closer to their pre-Ranger relationship.
Chip tapped his chest with a paw and then pointed to Zipper. “Zipper and I will fill in where needed. Any questions?”
“Just one Chip-me-lad. Do you think I should go with straight cheddar, or get some stilton too?”
&&&
One of the first jobs was slotting together the prefab glider Gadget had built for Dale’s flying lessons, and the catapult that would boost him high enough to start catching thermals. Gadget tested the tension on the thick elastic band, and stood by the release lever. “Okay Dale, I’ve angled it so it’ll send you right over Ma’s kitchen heat exchanger. That should give you enough of an updraft to make it above most rooftops. You should be fine from there. Ready?”
Dale adjusted his golf ball helmet and braced himself with the control bar. “As I’ll ever be. You could say I’m hot to fly.”
“Tell you what mate, let’s not and say we did.” Monty said, Zipper nodding with him.
“Ready… launch.” Gadget pulled back on the lever and the glider was flicked off into the air, to the sound of Dale’s “Pistachiooooooo!”. Even as she did, Chip did a sudden take. He started running up and yelled out, “Wait! Ma’s not been using her kitchen, there won’t be an updraft!” But Dale’s glider was already flying away, over the stack and the parked Ranger plane.
“Ohmigosh!” Gadget said, and then moved the catapult around slightly and squinting as if aligning it. “Quick, Chip, pull the band back and release it.”
Chip did as he was told, as Gadget jumped onto the launch ramp. She was flirted faster than Dale’s glider, and landed on the Ranger plane balloon just before he flew overhead. She grabbed a strap and pulled a release, freeing the balloon and dropping her onto the Ranger plane’s back seat. The freed balloon shot up under Dale’s glider and caught it, lifting it upwards and safely into clear air.
The others came running over. “Gadget, are you alright?” Chip called.
Gadget dropped down out of the Ranger plane, shaking her head, but apparently only to clear it.. Monterey caught her. Gadget looked up and said, “I’m fine. An elementary application of ballistics and gas expansion theory. Is Dale safe? I can’t see the balloon.”
“No worries. That balloon scooted him up faster than a kick from a kangaroo.” After checking Gadget was unhurt, Monty asked Chip. “Attemptin’ some ballistics of yer own? Looks like yer trying to bring the lady bat and Dale together.”
Chip pulled down the brim of his hat slightly, looking a bit embarrassed. “Whatever gives you that idea? It’s not like they have that much in common. He likes late nights, she’s a night person, she thinks he’s funny and cute, he enjoys the attention, and both of them tend to be umm…”
Gadget filled in the missing word. “Spontaneous?”
“I was going to say impulsive, but your word is nicer. Besides she’s good for him.” He stopped, definitely appearing as if he’d said to much, but Gadget smiled.
“Why Chip, that’s so sweet! I didn’t realise you were thinking that way.”
Chip shrugged. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all about Dale. I think Foxy would be a great full time Ranger. Her main problem is us. She still acts kinda nervous when we’re there, probably why we don’t see her around our HQ. I figure getting her to help might just break the ice a bit, and show if she could work as part of the team…”
“Not a bad idea Chipper. The little lady’s a class act.” Monty said, Zipper hovering over his shoulder and nodding. “See? Even Zipper likes her.”
Gadget joined in. “I wouldn’t mind Foxglove being around either. Maybe we can talk girl talk, whatever that is. Besides designing a room for a bat…”
Chip gently interrupted. “I’m glad everyone’s in favour, but we have a lot of work to do.”
The next few hours passed in a montage of A-Teamesque activity. Gadget outdid herself, arranging a simple but effective concealed tin-can telephone between the ‘command post’ on top of the high cupboard and the shelf lined storeroom. She also had the rest of the team haul the glider catapult up there and made up some goo bombs, nets and insulation tape lines for it to launch, enabling them to immobilise or disorient intruders.
At this point Dale returned with the sleepy Foxglove. A perch and a sleeping mask were quickly arranged. A couple of pen light torches were arranged as searchlights and finally plunger tipped lines were made up that could be fired down to the floor to provide a quick way down. A spare balloon was procured for the Ranger plane in case they needed an aerial chase vehicle, and Monty’s cheese supply along with sleeping bags were set up at the command post.
Finally, all was in readiness. Dale and Foxglove had been put to bed so they’d be fresh for the night watch and the others watched as Ma and the deliveryman hauled in the food supplies.
“Mmmmm… Cheeeeeeeeeesssse!” Monty murmured, seeing the wheels of cheddar on top of one of the boxes. His moustache had only just started to frizz when Gadget held a lump of stilton under his nose. He quickly recovered.
“Eya..wha? Oh… sorry Gadget, just lost it a bit there.”
Chip was down in the storeroom with Zipper, making an inventory of the supplies as they came in. A slight rattle came from the tin-can phone, followed by Chip’s voice, sounding rather soft and tinny.
“looks like that’s the last of it, all signed sealed and delivered. we’ve double checked every inch, walls, floor and ceiling and the only way in or out is through the door. we’ll check the boxes as soon as the door closes.”
Gadget added in. “Understood Chip, but you know you should really say over. over.”
“Umm, okay Gadget, over over.”
“No, the second over was where I was saying over about my message ending, and not about you saying over at the end of your message… or something like that. Ohhhh… scratch that. Out.”
The second shift from the police station kept Ma busy, and Gadget kept Monty from diving off the cupboard into the bowls of cheese chowder. Meanwhile Chip and Zipper, down in the storeroom, were accounting for every grain of flour, every crystal of sugar, every morsel of cheese. The demand was great enough that Ma stayed open until nearly ten. However, Zipper and Monty bedded down at eight, letting Dale and Foxglove take over. Ma’s last job before leaving was to make up batches of donut batter for the nect day and leave them in the storeroom cooler.
By midnight it was quiet and dark, thanks to a moonless night and a broken bulb in the porch light. What street light did filter in only helped to outline the darkness that lurked in the corners. Chip had bedded down in the storeroom with Dale on watch. Up on the cupboard Foxy was scanning the kitchen floor with her sonar at intervals, and making small talk with a wakeful Gadget in between times.
“I don’t know Gadget, I’d love to be near Cutie all the time, but I don’t like to impose.” Foxy shrugged her wings, looking away from Gadgets eyes.
Gadget was sitting on her sleeping bag and looking up at the girl bat. The shielded red LED torch that was their only illumination gave the winged figure a sinister, gargoyle air, but the voice was subdued, even nervous, not like Foxglove at all. Gadget tried to be as reassuring as possible.
“Golly, I don’t think you’d be imposing and neither does anyone else. Ranger HQ has quite a few hollows we’ve been using as storage rooms, but we could easily fit one out with a perch and some furniture. I could even fit an automatic door to the outside from there, so you could go out at night with no problems.”
“You make it sound so easy…” Suddenly, she paused in mid-speech and listened. “Hold on, can you hear that?”
Gadget listened intently. At first there was nothing, then a very slight scrape as if someone had moved a tile. She tapped the tin-can and whispered into it. “Dale! Wake Chip! It looks like they’re here… Over.” There was a muffled okay. Meanwhile Foxglove, as planned, had awoken Monty and Zipper before returning to the edge of the cupboard and starting a continuous sonar sweep.
In her minds eye, the darkened room was overlaid with shapes formed by the returning sounds. Hard surfaces facing towards her ‘shone’ brilliantly, while soft or oblique surfaces were darkened, like a grey scale but where surface colour no longer showed. Static edges were fuzzy, as her sonar sense a resolution down to a 5th of an inch. But moving objects stood out as if outlined, her dirigible ears and instinctive mental processes converting a mixture of doppler shifts and phase variations into a clear mental image.
There! The broom closet door opened by itself and a living object, the right size for a mouse, moved down the thread that was only visible to her because it vibrated. A large group of similar objects, too close together to count moved out onto the the floor. Gadget had thoughtfully marked certain spots with gum. It absorbed her sonar beautifully and made dark spots on the otherwise blank surface. She could then relay the location of anything on the floor to Gadget, allowing her to accurately aim the catapult.
“It’s a large group, clustered, I can’t tell exactly how many. They’ll be at third along, fifth out in a few seconds.” she whispered.
Gadget’s voice came quietly back. “Ready. Say when.”
“Now!” This was shouted. There was a thunk and a whoosh as one of Gadget’s biggest net bombs flew off into the dark. She tracked it as it arced out and spread to drop right on the group. The storeroom door creaked open and a penlight back-lit Chip and Dale, coin bolas out, to catch any stragglers and cocktail swords at their waists. Gadget had manned the other penlight and focussed it on the captured group. Meanwhile Monty yelled through a paper megaphone.
“Don’t try to escape! We’ve got you surrounded and outnumbered…” It was a darn fine speech, carefully designed to be as intimidating as possible to the vicious crooks who would steal someone’s very lively-hood without care or remorse. Unfortunately it never got delivered because several of the netted creatures started to wail.
The group numbered about twenty five, mostly mice with a few rats and voles, but ranging in age from near geriatric down to barely teenaged. It was some of these young ones who’d started crying. They looked ordinary, even slightly ragged, not the tough, competent thieves the Rangers had expected.
Chip came up to the net, Dale following and from the darkness above, Foxglove glided down to be beside him. Chip was the first to speak to the half paralysed rodentia.
“Hey, who are you all, and what’s going on here?”
Before anyone could answer, a voice purred from the direction of the doors to the diner.
“That is no longerr yourr concerrn, Rrangers. We will settle accounts with these miserrable rrodents.” Large shapes appeared on the very edge of the torch light, shadowy and indistinct except for their pearl limned claws and luminous cats eyes.